I understood finally how much manipulation i went through that destroyed relationship with my wife

IWill blogs

Why did you come late? It means you don't care for your partner?

Why did you ask her to dress up in a certain colour..it means you are a control freak?

Why did you ask her to go out with your friends. It means you are trying to make her distant from her family and friends 

Why did you have a disagreement with her or tell her what you didn't like? You definitely are trying to control her snd bringing unhappiness to her. That's quarrelsome behavior

I was so angry when IWill therapist said all these things in one of the sessions we were having with her in couple therapy, and this was an individual session where my wife wasn't a part....

So i said, what do you mean by this?

You are drawing conclusions on small things and do you say this to my wife too??

This is so unfair. It can make things worse.

 

To this the IWill therapist replied, exactly this will make things not only worse but far more complicated if i say any of this to your wife and you are right, these things that I just said are outright strange conclusions drawn out from normal things between husband and wife.

 

Now I want you to reflect on what is happening really in your married life.

Not only worse conclusions are being drawn about your wife, they are being said to you repeatedly causing the drift and uneasiness in your relationship that has got you to couple therapy, not to understand each other better but to just somehow feel a bit better in this relationship!!!

Let us take some examples 

This is all that is said to you 

1. Your wife asks for your attention..she is trying to separate you from the family

2..why does she need private time with you.. does she think she is more important to you than us.

3..why does she want you to spend time with her friends and family. Does she want you to break bonds with your family?

4. Why does she tell you what she doesn't like here? You come all tired. She doesn't have an ioata of care for you.

5. She is always upset. She does it to make you feel upset.

6. She always has her own opinions..she will never gel in this family

7. She is always laughing and smiling. Her personality is so awkward.

And much more 

Imagine how many things have been said about your wife on such normal things. Imagine how much have you reacted listening to these conclusions.

What is she supposed to do, if she is married to you?

Isn't she supposed to ask for your time when she is here for you, like you she has a family too! She has a personality and marriage happens as adults where you accept the person, grow with him/her nor tear them down.

I said these things today to you, to help you see the basis of problems between you is so faulty. It's other's opinions and conclusions and its toxic that an independent relationship between you two is not being developed.

 

This is why i am here. I said those things in the start to help you see the impact these kinds of conversations have had on your relationship. 

And this session for me was an eye opener. I was constantly forming opinions on my wife basis other's judgements and this is what I needed to stop.

This was just one small part of one session. We had 11 sessions as part of couple therapy and we have had so much good happening for us.

Today no one can come between us. We are strong. I don't get manipulated nor do I let others dominate who and what my wife should be and what my relationship should be with her.

I am glad I joined iwill therapy. I am glad I could stop the abuse. I could stop the negative manipulation and overcome these judgements and problems we were facing in our relationship.

For therapy sessions at IWill, you don't have to go anywhere. They happen online and you will be assigned one of the finest therapist for you. Just download app, take analysis, you will be paired with program and therapist best suited for you. Book and start Today. Link to download Below