IWill

IWill 2018-12-19 10:44 - 6 minute read

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I wanted to learn to be happy no matter how someone, anyone treats me

When we got married, I would crave for someone to ask me how was I feeling

I was raised like a princess with so much love... My father used to treat me like there was no one else...My mother would make me the best things in the world, love me, protect me.. I had the most happy childhood....

And then I grew up...I fell in love with Saran....Somewhere in Saran, I would search the same love, same affection, same sense of compassion that I was used to....

But Saran was different....And so was his family....

When we got married, I would crave for someone to ask me how was I feeling. Saran did not have the time to love me... He would talk to me, even take me out but I never felt that connection from his side, I was not centre of his attention... His family did not love me as they loved each other...They liked talking to each other, caring for each other but not for me...

And this would break my heart.. I would cry, feel bad, crave for the love I was used too... 

And when I would tell this to Saran, he would tell me that I need to grow up... That he cannot babysit me...

I did not understand how loving me or taking care of me was babysitting...I had seen a lot of love for me and I did not know how to live in an environment where I just existed, but was not wanted....

I cried a lot each day...I also had self-respect so did not like begging for love that I used to get without ever having to ask for it....'

But I did not want to be this weak anymore...Whether someone loved me or did not love me, I did not want this to affect my happiness, my sense of self, as it was affecting now...

I joined IWill therapy alone...AND I wanted to beat this pain I was in and also learn to be happy from within without anyone's validation...

 

Therapy helped me a lot.

 

I shifted the focus of my thinking. Rather than needing others to pamper me, I made sure I pampered myself... She  helped me see my worth from within...She helped me see how I did not need others to ask me what I wanted...I need to hear myself...She helped me put focus back on my career, on my goals, on my life and helped me become emotionally strong from within...

Yes it would hurt that I was not loved as much as his sister would be, I stopped comparing myself or competing for their love...If they did not have a heart that big to love me, I too did not have to break myself.

I found my love again in my parents...I would go and meet them, call them when I craved for selfless love.

I would cook myself most lavish meals or order something I loved...

I even bought myself gifts that I wanted others to give me.

I started doing everything for myself that I thought only someone else can do, ONLY A MAN CAN DO...AND I started feeling happy too. Therapy helped change my core...Helped my thoughts from within.

I started making changes in my life for me, putting my actions and my emotions on how I treated myself, not how others treated me... .

I was enough ! Saran noticed the change in me...He started feeling I had no time for him now.

I was so busy in myself...I said I was just growing up, LIKE YOU WANTED ME TO.... He said he was sorry if he had hurt me...I said, his sorry doesn't matter anymore.. I got hurt from him but I have learnt to be be happy within me....

Life should be about loving yourself....You should not be dependent on how others treat you... 

Shania

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You just have to Download IWill app for ANDROID, book and start today::https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.epsyclinic.iwill

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