I was depressed because of how people around me made me feel. Not anymore 

IWill blogs

 

“We have  a very different culture here”

“ Please understand we have a lot of respect here so make sure we are not embarrassed”

“Ignoring me even when I call someone’s name 5 times”

“Praising someone else in front of me by direct reference to something I did recently”

“Constantly telling me that their expectations were different”

“Cutting me off & criticising me or nagging me in front of others...”

“Isolating me, not  giving me emotional energy, showing me as I don’t belong and not wanted”

 

This was how was treated day in and day out with a few people... and this completely made me depressed... 

 

I was always scared to be myself. 

I felt no motivation to do anything of the fear that I will be taunted. 

I felt lonelier than ever and felt so alone. 

I felt no zeal for my life which looked like now had become only to be in suffering, to be attacked, to be made to feel less about self. 

 

Everything that I was proud of, I wasn’t proud of anymore because of so many comparisons, with so many questioning and constant judgments. 

 

My depression was because of people, of how I was treated. But now it had become a part of me and myself.

I was unrecognizable to myself and living with unbearable emotional pain and the weight of emotions. 

 

I started IWill therapy sessions for depression

Through the sessions, I first shared a lot of my pain, I just wanted to speak about what all had happened to me, how unfair, disappointed I felt... the sharing and really listening part of the therapist made me feel valued after a long time... my tears were not a cause of irritation to her nor did my pain look like drama!

 

Next in therapy, I learned to respect myself, and change my thoughts around myself that were getting all negative and wrong because of people around me. I was worthy, I was lovable, I was able..

I had to learn to stand up, to assert, to speak for myself, to not allow others to slander me. 

 

Next through therapy, I learned to feel good about myself again, engage in things that once made me happy... initially due to all the pain, it was really hard to do even things that should make me happy. But I did them anyway so that eventually  I start feeling better.

 

Next, I took back the mental power from these people who were the reasons for my depression... and draw boundaries. 

I started smiling again. 

I started speaking for myself when someone compared me unfairly, or when someone taunted me... I showed them how I wasn’t going to take this anymore. 

I didn’t let them isolate me. I had friends and I even made sure that I give a damn to how they choose to ignore me! I learned to ignore them and put them in their place for me, which is NONEXISTENT. 

 

Depression had crippled my life because of other people... It came because of them, but I overcame and lifted that heavy weight on my chest of guilt, pain, sadness, and lack of self-respect