IWill 2021-08-26 07:03 - 4 minute read

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I was my worst friend! I broke myself, allowed people to treat me poorly! Not anymore

Nandita Sharma

At 36 I was sitting in my balcony, wanting my life to be just over.... I hated my life... Hate is an understatement!
I was struggling in my career. My friends and peers were way ahead of me!
I was heartbroken inside, I had been in a one sided relationship throughout, where all was good until I was serving the need of my partner and what they wanted me to, leaving me nothing more than a shadow of them!
I was also repeatedly devalued by people around. No one trusted me... after all my career wasn’t great, I had just followed people, I had taken toxicity in!
The home where I lived, the life where I was, the career that I had created, there was no place for me! No growth. Stagnancy. Pain. Failures. Loneliness. Toxicity!

And I just wanted to end it all... I couldn’t find anyway that I could come out of this mess.

There was no way I could cover what I lost in my career. People I had thought I was better, were way ahead than me!

There was no way I could come out of this shadow. I loved the person too much to leave them and they weren’t going to change:. Life isn’t always this simple that you can leave people and move on ! Sometimes you don’t want to! 


A phone rang and it was my best friend! She said I should seek professional help, not because I was mad, but because I was really hurt, and confused, and clueless! 

I decided to just give it a go after many many days of thought. I started at iwill therapy...


As I spoke. As I cried. I felt both more weight yet lighter... I didn’t want to speak and yet I wanted to go on and on... 


The therapist said that we could fix this ... she said I could have the relationships but I needed to have one with myself first, and still space I needed... I could re-start my career, get experimental but I had to shed the load of what-ifs, assumptions, self-doubt, what people would think, and so on... 


She helped me see how I had ignored myself... how I had never acted in my best interest...


I had allowed people to treat me as they please! I had allowed people to see that I would always be there... and that wasn’t true!! 


I needed boundaries but I also needed self-love!

I also needed to do hard work and not want an easy way out because of being tired and burdened with years of loss ! There were no shortcuts! 

I needed to believe and I needed to act!

I needed people to see me.! Get visible. Draw the line. And no matter if it was my partner, parents, or anybody who thought I could be just said things since they wanted to!


She helped me love myself! Be less angry. Be more forgiving and yet more responsible!

My career growth would not come easy... I would have to put aside these bad habits and find a way to focus, preserve them. And do what it takes! That’s true love for self...


It wasn’t easy... because your therapist is a guide to your emotions, to your thoughts, to your pains and they help change that but the actual change has to be done by you! 


I am glad I no longer follow!

I am glad i work hard and thoughtfully!

I am glad I don’t let my partner see me just as a means to their wishes

I am glad I don’t let people attack me or just come out of nowhere to make me feel worse!

I am glad that I have stopped my self-hate patterns and emerged as myself in life! 

Thanks Iwill </p> 

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