IWill

IWill 2023-02-21 01:08 - 6 minute read

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I will not let my husband emotionally break me anymore to please others. Enough of crying and weakness

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I am going to work early. I need to prioritise my work and do justice to my career.

I am sorry I won't be able to go to that social event..I think Arun you can come home early from office and go as this is also event at your family.

It's OK if you can't go with me to my parents. You said you want to be here with your mom. Although we live here permanently but no problem, I will be going there as I wish to be with my mom too.

I understand you won't be able to go out on dinner with me on your birthday. I wasn't expecting it.

I am going out with my friends over this weekend. I know you won't be coming as you have to spend weekend at home

 

This was me Rajitha. I had changed a lot and gained a lot of courage to atleast be able to do things that make me feel happy and also put myself out of the toxic and ignorant situations my husband was putting me through.

 

Before you think why am I now so indifferent with my husband, first read about all that I had been through.

Ever since I was married, my husband would never accompany me to my family to please his parents who didn't want him to get close to my family.

 He wouldn't go out with me while I would keep waiting to spend good time with him. He would do this to show others that he didn't want to spend time with me. He valued others more and wanted to be with them and not do anything special for his wife.

He would always be with his friends to show them being married had not changed the "man" in him. He was still this friend and had same time for them.

He wanted me to take leaves from work to serve others, to please and greet at home.

He would always want me to be available for his social events and also tolerate remarks because well these are just normal adjustments.

I was totally forced into a toxic, isolated, lonely, serving situation and this was done to please others.

My husband married me but didnt want to show the world he changed. How can anyone do this to a person who had home, who left that home with dreams of happiness.

I would always be lonely, crying, serving others and listening to taunts about my family or my personality.

It was as if I was married just for inflicting pain

I was so depressed that I would cry all night and had puffy face everyday. And my husband or anyone, no one cared for it.

 

I started IWill therapy sessions and here my therapist helped me speak all the pain, empathise with me and then helped me slowly learn how to be in charge of my own happiness.

Expecting kindness from a loved one is one thing but not doing things for yourself even when no one is caring is not ok. I needed to take control of my happiness. I needed to feel meaningful and purposeful and happy and loved.

Work could give me that. Time with friends and family could give me that. Rather than begging and not getting someone's attention, I had to develop other ways of happiness and not expect from someone who was constantly breaking my trust.

I have transformed to be an independent person, not dependent on my husband's behavior for my self worth. He and his family are shocked to see my transformation and also my ability to be feeling complete.

My husband has started talking to me, initiating conversations, he is wondering how I am so happy. I am glad I have gained respect back in my eyes. I am glad i haven't let this age old systematic ignorance and isolation of a woman, win.

I am glad I am having the courage to stand up for myself.

I don't know what my life hold in stores for me as far as my relationship goes. 

 

But I am glad, I don't cry and be weak and beg for attention. I don't let no one, not even my husband take me for granted and break me to please others.

I am not a prop. And i am glad I have the strength now 

Diya Thakkar

If you too want to join IWill therapy, please download the app from link below. The app will start with an automated assessment and accordingly pair you with the right program and best suited therapist for you. Recommend booking sessions immediately and start therapy. All sessions will be online and will heal you from within. If you feel mentally down, unhappy and your assessment on app suggests an issue, don't ignore or deny yourself the help available.

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