IWill

IWill 2025-01-17 02:02 - 2 minute read

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I won't be Making others happy at the expense of my own goals and even emotions anymore. 

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As a woman I suffered a lot.

When I got married, I was expected to forget about my parents overnight and just be with my husband's parents...

I would be expected to be ok with things happening at my home and me not going, as though my parents problems were not my own.

Even if my heart would ache a lot for my family, they would try and convince me that it is wrong.

 

I was expected to always be available for my husband, love him, cook for him, attend his friends and be nice while he wasn't there for me too. He would cancel my plans in name of he has family, he has work, he has friends! And this entire Inequality in love, made me feel like I was unloved, i was stuck.. I was being treated very unfairly! 

If he would get angry, expectation was for me to keep the peace so that he doesn't loose his cool further... like my anger didn't matter... like my pain didn't matter.

Let him focus on career. You stay where he stays. Your job should be in same city! 

Keep quiet when someone in his family speaks negatively. Don't be rude while they Destroy MY self worth! They say things about my looks, upbringing, my things in a way that break me! And I must listen! 

Everything that was being expected of me was at my expense.

My career, my need to be loved, my self respect, my need to love my parents, my dignity and Equality! 

I was in deep depression with a career that could grow but me restricting it to please others, my emotions breaking and dying as i wanted to care for my parents but it was bad! 

My expectations for my partner's love were not being met. Everyone wanted me to be ok with him keeping me second.... while I had him, his goals and his family as everything! 

I was broken! I joined IWill therapy as I was going in deep depression. It was in therapy that my therapist helped me see i was as important 

That it was not ok to take abuse in name of adjustment and that my pain was not wrong. It was signalling that i must assert.

That my career and my parents are as important 

That marriage is a companionship where two people come together to provide comfort to each other. 

That i didn't have to live with unfulfilled goals and be ok, that i didn't have to be unhappy in my own home! 

 

As a woman i needed to make my life as perfect as i wanted it to be...

No one is less. She also helped me reconnect with my friends, my loved ones to gain strength.

She also helped me to learn how to assert and stand up for myself! 

I started working hard for myself 

I started taking no jokes on my self-respect.

I don't allow people to have one sided expectations of me!

I stand up for my family! 

My husband noticed these changes and started realising. He is changing his ways and understanding that our relationship was so one sided. He is also suggesting couple therapy but i am currently focussed at just myself. I have faced enough keeping my happiness and well-being DEPENDENT on others!

This is my time to stand up for me and make my life! And I am doing it! 

Shikha Gupta

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