I won't be Second in YOUR LIFE Dear Husband when you expect me to treat you as the ONLY ONE IN MINE

IWill blogs

My husband's expectations of me 

1. He wanted me to align all my life according to him, move with him, live with him, take care of his family, his friends, his everything

2. He wanted me to take a job at a place where he was going for promotion, leaving my current work

3. He wanted to have all my time around him, leaving my friends behind. He would be irritated with my time with my friends!
4. He wanted me to take care of his small needs, be there for him when was unwell or when he just needed someone.

5. He wanted me to entertain even those family members of his, who were distant or even bad or indifferent to me.

6. He wanted me to prove to everyone that his wife was the best and that his daughter-in-law was the best. 

And yet his treatment of me was so different

1. He would ignore my plans for his friends.

2. He would suddenly give me less attention when his family was around.

3. He would prioritise his work, his cousins, his social events above me

4. He would spend very little or no time with my family.

5. He wouldn't even be interested in my stories or successes! 

6. He would not bother to play a role in my life!

I was getting depressed as I was expected to be there for him all the time, even tolerate things that were compromising my happiness and YET he had everything else above me... It almost felt like my life had become so restricted and I felt so unloved and deprioritised... I felt unhappiest as I WAS MY PARENT'S PRIORITY EARLIER BUT NOW I FELT LIKE I WAS ALL ALONE...

 

I would get angry, have fights, and be so unhappy with my life.

I joined IWill therapy with my husband for  couple sessions, and it was here that our couple therapist, through online sessions, helped my husband see what was happening.

His expectations of me should have met with his prioritising for me.

She helped him see that it wasn't ok to expect me to have a life revolving around him when he was missing from that circle.

She helped him see, through role-playing, how he would feel if I, as his wife, expected him to do everything for her family and was missing from his life when he needed support, love, and someone to stand up for him.

She helped him see through role play my emotions of just sitting there and listening to talks that had nothing to do with me always. In one session for 10 mins, when my husband just heard me and my therapist talking, he got upset and that's when therapist helped him see that, sadly and unfortunately this had become my LIFE as a wife 

She helped him see that I needed to be his number one too if he was expecting this from me and how life would be beautiful if we infact became each other's priority and run other areas of our life as a unit!
 

Therapy helped a lot and helped my husband understand my perspective too from a non-confrontational perspective. 

Today me and my husband are each other's priority as it should be.

He respects my work, my friends and my family as I do his. We together decide our lives and fill warmth and happiness!

I no longer feel anxious, depleted, empty, exploited and resentful!
Peace and happiness is what I feel and enjoy! 

Suneeta Garg