I won't beg you for your attention and support, dear husband. I have courage to stand for myself and be happy

IWill blogs

My husband was leaving again on a weekend trip.

Rather than crying and begging him to stay, I was happy and he could see it. I had plans with my friends, I had a weekend class to attend and so many good things to do.

My husband's family member attacked me. She said I don't call.

And i didn't look at my husband this time to defend me. I replied back, yes I think my number is same would love to get a call from you too. I know it's mutual love.

My husband was again ignoring me as his usual routine.

But now I have a routine of my own. I don't cry basis his attention or lack of it.

If he doesn't talk to me to show others that he likes them more,

I don't miss an opportunity to speak to people instead who make me feel valued. 

I don't beg him anymore to display his love, to show empathy to me, to be with me.

I am not so weak or so lacking in respect that I will tell people to love me.

IT WAS not like this before.

Earlier when he would go out with friends leaving me behind. I would cry all the time, feel unloved and undesirable.

Earlier when he would not speak when others taunted me, i feel like it's end of the world and that I will be always treated poorly.

I cried a lot since ny marriage when my husband broke all my dreams from this marriage. He never gave me attention.

He wanted me to live here like i am here for everything and everyone else than him.

He always pleased others and for that neglected me to show his love.

He always has his plans and never thought how his absence would impact me.

I would beg for his attention, cry, my health was gone but no change in him.

I was born to believe that marriages don't break and so I would always feel like I should and would have to make it work or end my life, like there is no middle path.

I had become a puffy, crying person, with only pain and hurt.

I had lost all self respect and I felt really small because i was always treated like that.

 

I joined iwill therapy on a friend's suggestion.

It was in therapy that my therapist helped me see the need to work step by step, what I need to do in future or overall is something that I didn't have to think now.

 

But I needed to make changes to my life.

I needed Happiness today.

I needed respect today.

I needed to stand up for myself today

 

She helped me feel better about myself, her support would make me feel like I am not alone.

She guided me to start meeting friends again. 

Not sit waiting for husband to take responsibility for my happiness, but take that responsibility myself.

She encouraged me to focus on career, assertion, saying the right thing but not feeling helpless.

I stopped taking abuse.

I stopped waiting for someone else to take me out, I started going out with friends, meeting and visiting parents and getting my Happiness back.

I don't know the future of this marriage. My husband is wanting now after I changed to work on this marriage. But for now, i am focused at rebuilding my life, my self respect and standing up when someone tries ro bring me down

I am the support, the Happiness and hero, I always needed! I am really happy leading this life.