IWill 2021-12-24 02:08 - 4 minute read

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I wont be tolerating attacks & dominance as a daughter in law. I choose my mental health


Mine was a love marriage. I and my husband studied together in Delhi, where we fell in love and decided to spend our life together... this was supposed to be the happiest event of my life, something I always wanted... I was so happy... I had always been pampered and loved and this made me feel like my life was going to get filled with more love, care, togetherness, and excitement.

But I came from a different background. My parents had raised me to be independent, opinionated, have equality, and not see myself less because I am a woman.

But when I got married, I was up against a really conservative in-law setup. They didn’t like me further because I was their son’s choice...

I was attacked for how I spoke.
I was constantly told to do things that I felt uncomfortable doing.

Even if some helper would be sitting, I would be singled out and asked to do tasks as though I was there just to serve. I had never felt less about myself than I felt here.

If I laughed, I would be asked to be more “decent”.
If I wanted to talk career, I would be immediately reminded that this was “secondary” now for me!
I would be always criticized, always told how I should “behave”
There was a constant reminder on how I was less, how I was a “daughter in law” and like I had to prove that I “deserved to be here”
If I expected to love and time from my husband, he would be asked to “man up” and give “equal time” to everyone and not “forget” others because I was here...

I was so attacked... I felt conscious. I felt angry to be treated like this... I felt stuck in the wrong place... I was upset with myself for making this choice, I was upset with my husband... I was so unhappy that I wanted to even think of not existing...

This is what set the alarm in me and

I took the help of a therapist at IWill therapy... I started having sessions and telling how much I was stuck, how much I doubted myself now, and how I felt completely stuck...

The therapist helped me first get in tune with my emotions. She helped me see that I was my priority... I couldn’t let myself break like this... I had the right to be happy...

She helped me learn assertion, say out loud what I didn’t like and why... she helped me break the fear I had of being abandoned and do the right thing...

She helped me learn to focus on myself, my career again... I learned again to have a personality of my own...

If someone would remark on my status, I would now not look at others to respond but I would speak for myself...

I remember someone asked me to get glasses for everyone. which I did... they again asked me to get up, and this time I said, there are others too... they should and must help me... this is everyone’s home. This Confidence in me I got back because I wasn't depressed or traumatized anymore.

My husband too joined therapy after some time and he could see how much we had lost our dreams of happiness, how much he had abandoned me and changed out of fear of others... he too realized in therapy that he was sacrificing my relationship for pleasing others alone... and this was not right..

I have chosen my mental health. I am not secondary! I deserve respect and I won’t ever settle for anything less now.


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