IWill

IWill 2022-04-25 09:20 - 2 minute read

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I wont cry and destroy myself to get your love and attention anymore! I am STRONGER

Deepa Garg

 

Change in me

I was left alone again for friends, parties, egos... But this time rather than crying or feeling bad, I didn't give a damn... I didn't even need them to stay... I had so much work to do, so much time needed with me! 

I wasn't appreciated for something that I did and compared again where another person was showered with praises. I couldn't help but LAUGH OUT in amusement. These old tactics, fail to make me sad anymore 

I was again questioned about what I wore, what I chose to do, who I spoke to but this time rather than feeling fearful or answerable, I just said, it's something I can choose to do and opinions that are unsolicited are not welcome

They made fun of my starting my own work and I said to them. my dreams and their risks are my own... I don't burden others with any of it!! 

My suffering

I had suffered so much... I was ignored when I had only them. I was compared, I was isolated, I was controlled, I was made to feel like I was nothing... I had lost my confidence and I loved so much that I wasn't able to let go! 

 

I was in IWill therapy and I had only one goal. I didn't want to get their love or attention, I didn't want to beg for it, but I didn't have the strength to ignore the harassment and not feel bad, I didn't have the strength to emotionally take this secondary treatment. I didn't have the emotional strength! 

 

And that is what I worked in IWill therapy... From a crying mess, who would beg for love, I came to respect myself, to not ask for love that should have been my right! 

To not feel scared for being myself!

To not feel bad when my own person makes me feel secondary... I don't become secondary... 

To not let the pain come, depending on someone else's inability to be there for me...

I am really at a point where i have risen for myself... I am doing well for myself.

I am happy and I don't need anyone, not at the cost of my own happiness, respect, and peace of mind...

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