If marriage is union of two families, why is my family treated as second class. I won't tolerate 

Shikha Gupta

Marriage has been long told as being union of two families, of being a bond with which two families come together and support, get together for the rest of life with respect, love.

But if this is so, why is that my family being of girl's is treated so differently. 

Why is that my family has to always please my husband's family, be available for them to pass remarks or sarcasms, give them gifts alone, be apologetic for everything?

Why is this assumption that only my husband's parents are getting old? That they need care? My mother and father did as much for me and are aging too, they get unwell too... Why is that my going to them becomes my sin? Why is that my thinking about their care becomes selfish? If respect for seniors is the same, what wrong have my parents done?

 

Why is that my parents are expected to treat my husband not as son but some lord? Why when he tries to give love to my parents, he is made to feel bad? And why do I have to be always act like I am less. I can't even be a daughter at home... 

Why this discrepancy? I am as educated, as precious to the world... my family as respectable, as kind....

 

Why no one cares about my parents when they are unwell? No one calls them or asks them anything....no one wants to know what their feelings are? They are always expected to give and do, not have any love or respect in return and everyone acts so Indirectly arrogant it was so painful....

 

After marriage, I became so depressed. I developed such complexes, such inferiority, such pain, I was always upset... I would always feel like doing nothing.... I felt broken, I felt discriminated...

 

I didn't like what my life has become, I didn't know how to change it...

 

I joined IWill therapy because the pain, the angst, the broken feelings were choking me and I needed help.

It was in iwill therapy that I was understood. Therapist helped me to first take care of myself, assert, draw boundaries, focus on work, om social support and then as I healed, I learnt to assertively communicate, to stand for the right.

 

I made sure that I take care of my parents, that I don't let them be disturbed, I don't let them be treated less. I take care of them...

The relationship has to grow as that of equals. His family and mine are same.

My parents are aging too, they are respected too and I will not let anyone compromise here or make me feel any other way about this...