Isolating a wife to please other family members is abuse. I realized 

IWill user

So you guys are going for this holiday? You have really forgotten mummy...

No Manika, I haven't forgotten everyone... I used to go on solo trips too. I am married now... i have a partner who is here for me, we have a life to share... a Bond to make... How is being with your wife on a holiday suggesting that I have forgotten mummy... has mummy too never traveled with papa or others?

 

why are you cooking in the kitchen Arun?

Because I can help my wife too. She too works. And I enjoy it... She is tired today... I can at least do this much for her...

 

Why are you all the time talking to your wife... You have others too.

I am talking. to everyone... But she has only me here... I had isolated her enough... I had really emotionally tortured her... She has cried a lot, faced too much pain, fear and sadness. Not anymore.. For any insecurity, for any reason, I will not isolate my wife anymore...

 

This was me ARUN finally standing up for my wife, for her happiness, for our life... And.I had realized how isolating your wife to please others is not being a good son, it's being abusive towards your partner... 

 

Me and my wife were in IWill therapy... 

She had been depressed and she felt that I had let her down... She felt lonely, alone, cornered, humiliated and discriminated...

I wasnt able to understand her emotions...

 

but in therapy at IWill, listening to her, how much she had left for me. How much love she ahd for me. and also through sessions, when therapist at iwill asked me if what I was doing for my wife, if that same thing happened to me or my mom or anyone, i loved, would that be ok to me?

 

She helped me see I needed to be with her... How I had a life, work, job, and friends and I was allowed to have all the space...

Then why when it came to my wife, I have to isolate her..

She asked me if she did the same with me, how would it feel.

 

She through some role-play exercises, asked me to stay alone, not having anyone, not speaking to anyone when I needed to share, and just see how I felt with this... 

She asked me how was talking to my wife, isolating anyone... 

My therapist at IWill helped me come to terms with my own loneliness too. I too needed. to have the love I deserved, time with my wife, and bliss of marriage... Which had gone completely missing from our lives..

Isolating your partner thinking your family will be pleased is the worst thing... Its unfair to your partner who is your family... she has only you... I realized this... 

Arun Mahajan