Just because other daughter in laws tolerated abuse, doesnt mean i dont have the right to stop wrong happening to me. 

Ruchika Mishra 

Why do you want so much time with your husband? Look at other women of the family, they never complain or interfere how their husband spends time. Learn something from them.

Why are you wanting to take this job? You should look at her, she is educated too. But doesn't work and gives her home and her husband's family care, priority.

She listens to all that we say to her. Why do you get offended? Can't we tell you what we want from you in our family? You must listen to us. After all, you have been married in this home.

She doesn't go to her parents. She also has a mother who is unwell. Why do you keep running back? Your parents need to learn to manage without you. You are a married woman now.

 

Your wife really wants you to have no life. There are other women in the family too, they never interfere and the men live life that is social and how they want.

 

This and more would be said to me all the time in my in-law's place.

 

When i was married in this home, I was shocked how they treated secondary all their daughter in laws.

Their daughters could work but not daughter in laws.

Their daughters should have loving sons and be always here at our home, but daughter in laws were supposed to be ignored by their husbands and just work for in-laws.

They suffered from a superiority complex and at will or as per mood, could ignore me or give me cold shoulder. 

They would expect me to forget I had a family, I had a personality. 

And it was shocking to me.

I didn't know how other women were tolerating this but for me it was toxic.

I didn't know what was right or wrong according to them. But double standards and hypocrisy would break me.

I was so pampered at home. I had a lot of self confidence and belief that I could be anything but here in this home, I was completely treated like I didn't even exist. 

I felt lonely and i wanted to stand up for myself but showing me always that other women and daughter in laws in the family were better and morally superior, I felt like the problem of not able to adjust may be was within me.

 

Depression was breaking me. I decided to start IWill therapy when even my survival became difficult.

It was in IWILL THERAPY, that my therapist empathised with me and made me feel that i wasn't wrong or less worthy. That emotions i were feeling had a reason. That just because others due to their circumstances or reasons, have accepted what was happening to them, I didn't have to take abuse.

 

Marriage didn't mean compromise. It meant comfort and compassion.

Marriage didn't mean adjustments. It meant acceptance and affection.

Marriage didn't mean sacrifice. It meant satisfaction.

Marriage didn't mean hypocrisy. It meant true happiness.

I started standing up for myself. It wasn't ok to be taking abuse.

I deserved to have my husband's time. I was in a relationship with him.

I deserved to love my parents too. They did so much for me.

I deserved to be an individual because I was that first.

 

Therapy at IWill helped me gain back my strength, assert and also not feel low because of other's poor behavior towards me.

My husband joined iwill therapy too and he started seeing things from my point of view, how I was there only for him and my happiness in his home was his responsibility. My husband started seeing how I was being really isolated and treated poorly and just because someone else tolerated wrong, didn't make it right. 

I no longer take abuse. I no longer am available for someone else to lift their ego on my expense.

I have grown out of the toxic abuse and i am glad 

Ruchika Mishra