IWill

IWill 2021-04-05 12:02 - 2 minute read

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Just because wife is younger doesn’t mean she is wrong or that its ok to insult her

Apoorv Singhal

She needs to see they are so elder to her and not feel bad or get egoistic with them. What if it was her parents?

The therapist at IWill said I don’t think what she is experiencing is ego. I think what she is experiencing is hurt. She feels sad to be seen as less or not enough for the family just because she is different. Her career choices, her life too has a lot of meaning! Being constantly told that her ways are not good enough is very damaging for self! To be constantly passed taunts or always made to feel scared for anything she does, that won’t be well received, she gets hurt! It’s not ego, it’s pain! It’s not about being old or young! It’s about being empathetic! And rightfully if it were her parents, they would have been accepting of her! How are your parents to you! Do you feel24-7 scared around them? I am sure you don’t

Me: She should adjust! She should see it’s not right what she is doing!

The therapist to this said, what should she adjust to?

She is in this home for you! How can she adjust to your indifference or a feeling given that she doesn’t mean anything to you!
How can she adjust to isolation, loneliness, expectations and no real concern in return!
The fact that she is asked to adjust to your unavailability, to your not being around her, to her being only here to manage egos and expectations as though she has no individuality, that’s not adjustment that is abuse!

Me: But didn’t everyone else do this too?

Therapist IWill: An important question to ask is whether everyone who did it was happy or forget that, asking whether it’s even the right thing is a more important question!

She married you for happiness, she is an individual who has respect, she is your equal! 

 

Marriage is a partnership not a favor done on her! 

Marriage is the relationship of two consenting adults and has no space for interference on the basics by others!

Marriage is not for compromises or hurting each other, marriage is for standing up for each other!

 

As I was in therapy at IWill, of which just one conversation I shared above; I was able to see how much my wife was in pain. How it was not that she was younger, it was that she was wronged and attacked! It wasn’t that she was unable to adjust, she was being DENIED the very core of her role!

IWilltherapy saved my relationship with my wife and stopped me from being a permanent Party to my own wife’s abuse. Glad I realized and changed this 

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