Lack of love is shown not just by loving you less but also loving others more. And it can be heartbreaking. I witnessed it

IWill blogs

Yes No one cared here much If I was unwell, something that I wasn't used to.

But in the same time, when someone of theirs was unwell, the whole home would care and love so much.

Yes No one really got my favorite dishes made or even asked for, something that I wasnt used to, as I was always asked for what I loved..

But regularly things will be made which were favorite of others and it was said out loud.

No one ever asked me about things or spoke about me or was interested in my stories

But they had so many of their own stories to tell snd talk about. And it was always about them, making each other feel good.

No one would care to ask me if I wanted to go somewhere alone, or had some plans 

But they would make plans randomly, make plans and go, mother and son, and sister and family at their own cousins. 

It wasn't just the lack of love in this house that broke me. It was the clear blatant display of love for everyone, care for everyone but for me.

I felt like a sub-human.

And my mistake? I don't even know. Just that I became a part of this family.

I would feel angst, pain, hurt, loneliness, resentment, emptiness, frustration and discrimination, all these heavy emotions all day long and 

 

I felt stuck because I loved the man i got married too, he was nice to me when it started but now he was one amongst them, the manipulation changed him. I would have left this home in one day if it wasn't for this pain, this love, this fear of losing him that broke me.

I joined IWill therapy and it was here that my therapist helped me first to just focus on self, stop the cycle of abuse, ask for things, speak up, call out the hypocrisy and call our discrimination.

She also asked me to focus on career, life, self, friends and family and have support. Feeling so loveless and lifeless and allowing people who didn't treat me right to have option to destroy me was not ok.

As I started focusing back on self, tearing up less and tearing down the hypocrisy more, crying less and making cry for the injustice and way I was being treated and also being happy amongst myself, my husband started seeing what was wrong and he said he wanted to join couple therapy.

Once he was in IWill couple therapy, my therapist helped him see how he would feel, if all this was happening to him, suddenly ignored by me and in my home feeling wasted, ignored and everyone else has plan and love, just not him.

As he started getting closer to me and seeing how much unnecessary pain and toxicity I was enduring, he started changing and standing up and that changed everything for me.

Now he ensured I witnessed his love, my needs were met.

He became a man that a woman deserves.

The heartbreak started healing but it takes time.

 

I am still in therapy.. trauma takes time to heal. I took the right decision of taking help at the right time.

 

Many don't. If you are going through this, trust seeking help. It will change everything within you that needs to change..you have to pull yourself back and stop abuse and therapy helps you so much with that.

For therapy at IWill, download app link from below, start assessment and book sessions with your paired IWill therapist or click "Start IWill journey" from top right corner