IWill

IWill 2022-08-10 02:27 - 4 minute read

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Mama's boy or daddy's girl is a dysfunctional pattern, nothing to be proud of

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Making constant comparisons to make or value your spouse as less than your mother or father.

Making it again and again verbally obvious that you love your parent more, almost said in a way that hurts or belittles the spouse.

Attacking your spouse all the time for not being "good enough" for your parent.

Picking sides even when not needed, belittling your partner even when not needed.

Denying partner an independent relationship and choosing to be unavailable for them, in order to show complete loyalty to mother or father.

Ignoring or invalidating spouse's emotions or feelings as drama or not even true, as only mother or parent's emotions are real.

 

This is what a Mama's boy or daddy's girl do.

They have a dependent, enmeshed relationship where they ignore all other relationships, roles in order to just keep one. 

They even have a poor boundary for themselves where they may not make decisions independently for their career or studies.

Mama's boy or daddy's girl is not the same as loving your parents.

It's more to do with denying your partner their place.

It's more to do with being emotionally unavailable for your own partner.

They develop no or indirect relationship with their partner where the only thing they do is use partner to make the parent feel better.

The problem is why marry someone when you would unfortunately make the relationship full of neglect and emotional abuse for them.

As a grown up, when you would want them to have no power over how they want their life to be or where they will be compared and forced to do things just because your parent did the same for you.

Many families remain unhappy, isolating dark places because of existing of these enmeshed relationships.

A healthy and loving relationship with your parent should ideally make you completely capable of loving and respecting your own spouse.

So many people are in therapy either because they married a mama's boy or because they are couples struggling to find love or as individuals themselves as mama's boy or daddy's girl who are depressed because they are lonely now and have made poor career choices in the past due to inability to think independently.

Loving your parents will never stop you from loving partner.

A healthy relationship with parents actually enables better family values and respect for partner.

It's the enmeshment that is the problem, where the only goal for the son or daughter is to seek approval and admiration of parents even by abusing or ignoring and denying your partner their love. 

This is nothing to be proud of. It is emotional abuse!

Start therapy at IWill as couple or indivduals or as family if you are struggling with this enmeshment pattern and need help. Because a lot of the times, as a spouse or partner who is suffering, you may be made to feel guilty or like you are wrong for asking basics. And this guilt, confusion and attack can further break the person 

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