Morning chronic sadness was most difficult for me to manage and it would ruin every day
Morning Depression overwhelming
Even before I woke up, I felt like everything was over for me... I felt really sad, really hopeless about my options in life, I would feel like I should lie down again, each task I did in the morning was so heavy. Even using one finger to do something, felt like an ordeal. If I had to make my own breakfast, I would feel like going without food. If I had to do some work, I would keep gazing at the things around, keep scrolling but not be able to focus and get myself to do the right thing...
I would start on such a bad note every day that I didn’t know what to do and how to do it...I would feel upset, sad, hurt, groggy...
All of this started with things happening in my life Me losing out on opportunities, finding myself in situations I had no control on, facing challenges after challenges, being amongst people who didn’t feel for me, I myself doing things that harm my success, all of this together took my life to a point where it was unrecognizable for me!
I remained sad, didn’t know what to do, felt completely lost and like I had lost sense of direction!!!
The Pain was overwhelming. Every day I would think this would get better...
And every morning I would start on the same note...
I would plan every day differently but my morning depression would just wash away everything.
Taking therapy and accepting the need to treat
We all think depression is there because of our own issues, we don’t cope better, we don’t do enough, and our life is so bad that nothing can be done.
But that’s depression that convinces us we are so helpless. When I started IWill therapy for depression, therapist at IWill helped me understand my triggers.
I was weighing myself down... I was convincing myself that I wasn’t enough.
I was constantly comparing myself!
I was scared of another failure and so I had stopped trying, subconciously I was trying to protect myself from the pain of failure by not doing things!
I was denying myself happiness in fear of things getting worse!
I wasn’t meeting people!
The therapist at IWill helped me learn new ways to manage my morning and my pain overall.
She helped me learn how to focus on things that were in my CONTROL and let go of compressions, guilt, day to day insecurities that were just pushing me down!
She helped me with strategies to wake up relaxed... what to think in the morning. How to get moving... what to completely avoid, no matter how much my mind tries to drag me in that direction of negative or painful thinking first thing in the morning...
She helped me overcome this subconscious resistance to not trying to avoid the pain of failure. To act, to work, to do things...
With therapy, I have been able to let go of the pain I felt so strongly! Let go of the morning depression...
My mornings now are active, I relax... I feel in control... I don’t feel rushed... I don’t feel burdened to make everything that went wrong better in one go and day... I know that is guilt talking... I take one day at a time..
And I have started working again...
I keep my happiness a priority!
I don’t let negative thoughts bog down me.
I take regular therapy and share my pains very frequently but never let them clog my mind and destroy my peace.
I assert and speak when someone is unfairly targeting me...
My morning starts with control and my day then moves in the same direction too. I am no longer wanting normalcy in life. I have that normalcy right there for me