Most deep Emotional pain for a person is when they feel completely ignored by their own loved one

IWill blogs

I woke up only to find out that my husband had made plan for a boys trip this weekend when I was all alone in this new city after marriage.

When I asked him what would I do, he looked at me and said you bond with my mother and my family... there was no thought in him that considered what i wanted.

And when i was left behind with his mother and sister, no one bothered to talk to me... they cared about me on what i should make, listen to their stories of how great they are, be ok with some taunts they pass about me and my family and what we missed doing in marriage and how their son will never go against them.

I felt drained, targeted and used in those 3 days....

When my husband was about to come back, I took a sigh of relief because this was my love marriage and I thought my husband now would have time for me...

but when he came, all he did was straight talk to his mom and sister, I was there standing and he ignored me like I didn't exist.

When he came inside and I asked him this, he straight away accused me that I was insecure of his mom and their bond and that it wasn't ok for me to be so jealous and think that my presence would distance him from his mother.

That wasn't going to happen. Tears drooped down my eyes immediately... I felt hurt, betrayed, lost and so unloved and uncared for... like My emotions even if I cried out loud won't be heard

 Like I was made invisible and so were my emotions.

And then by each passing day this became a pattern. My husband would spend time with me in night, will do all things he liked, praise me here and there. But in day work was his mom, his friends, his colleagues.... I started feeling like I was some toy for his pleasure.

Worst was that I would convince myself to do it in order to atleast make some inroads back in my husband's heart. My ego, my self respect, my happiness were all shattered.

Birthdays , valentine day, anyday I would crave his basic attention and love and respect. But i was invisible to him. And worst he was the same man who showed so much love for me

I had become almost crazy wanting, craving his love and attention. I felt like I had 0 value. All my value got attached to whether I would have his love or not. The ignorance has broken me and my heart.

I joined IWill therapy once I read about a user story. It was here that I understood that I had gotten into deep depression.

My therapist at IWill first helped me see that no matter what i was valuable and that no matter how close my husband was to me, i had to protect my independent identity.

She helped me through therapy re-focus my thoughts on my self, my looks, my career, my social life. She helped me restart my career, when i would cry and break down she would help me make sense of my broken world and get me motivated to restart my life.

She helped me go back to my social circle, assert when my husband had has way and expected me to be at home. I would assert for my happiness, my friends, my work and my time too. She helped me stand up for myself and helped me rebuild my life.

 I started working again. I started spending time with my family

I started asserting and not take any abuse.

I still loved my husband and I wasn't ready yet for separation. Even though he had ignored me so much,

I still wanted to try once. Currently my husband has agreed to and is in couple therapy with me at IWill. But irrespective of what the outcome of therapy is, I am no weak person now...

I don't derive my happiness from someone's attention. I am enough. I am capable.

Marriage and this family while an important part of my self concept are not the end of the world or road for me

Ignorance by your own loved ones causes worst pain and heart and I have lived and experienced it. I am glad to have overcome it

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