My adolescent child was having so many behavioral and anger issues. It was a scary phase. This is how we overcame 

Smita Prakash

As a mother, what I went through was the worst. To see your own son disliking you, displaying extreme anger on you, be so quiet, upset and having thoughts that are scary is worst experience for any parent.

My son was the most happy person. He would love me a lot. We would pamper him a lot. I felt blessed to have a son like him.

Yes, me and my husband had our issues, my husband also would be away for his business a lot of the times but we were still largely a happy family.

Something started changing when he became 11 years old. He faced a little tough time with his classmates at school, where he was made fun of. It was not like he was bullied but he faced some fun at his expense. 

 

This broke him down. He became angry and silent for the first time. When I praised him and send him not to worry and went to school with him to complain of this behavior, he got more angry with me.

 

That entire year, he would get aggressive, throw tantrums, fight with me and remain more and more within him.

 

He was good academically, he was really someone who shines. But his anger was becoming a problem.

 

The worst behavioral issues for my son started when he was 14 years old. He may be had a fall out with someone at school and also faced his first rejection. And this led him to takinh out all anger at home.

 

He would break things on our saying slightest thing.

He would hit against the wall when I would stop him from doing something.

My normal words would make him angry, enrage him.

 

He was a constant threat to himself and me when in anger. 

 

My heart would break to see my son struggling like this, pushing me and hitting himself and also feeling the urge to harm his own mother. 

 

His behavior was so different now that I felt depressed. I stopped sleeping, stopped meeting people. 

 

My son was now also having delusions. He would say that me and his father are bad people and that he has to do something to set this thing straight.

He would have strange delusions, paranoia.

 

I was tired. We took him to help with a psyschisytrist. He started his medications and also suggested IWill therapy sessions to help with therapy.

 

His therapy began online. And through therapy, it became evident how isolated and lonely my son was.

Me and my husband usually had work and we overcompensated for our unavailability by over pampering him, telling him only great things about himself, making him feel like he was always better than rest.

 

He had developed this image of a perfect him which for the first time got broken when his peers and friends started critiquing him.

My son didn't have the perspective that he could be challenged too, that no one is perfect.

Now when my son was facing reality, he wasn't able to take it. Also me and my husband would have fights, even they had a toll on him.

Largely it was his inability to adapt, to understand how to navigate himself in tough spaces, dealing and adjusting with different situations and sets of people.

He just didn't have the emotional reserve to take other's opinions, take no as an answer and now he was blaming his parents that is us for not giving him the right skill set.

The therapist at IWill is working on his thoughts, helping him see the intention behind our actions. The love we have for him. 

 

She is also helping him accept rejection and understand why rejections happen, what all is involved and how they are part and parcel of life.

She is helping him develop stronger coping mechanisms. She is helping him calm his anger down and see other person's emotions too. Take stock of how it feels for his own mother or father.

My son is becoming better at controlling his anger. He feels sorry for what he had done and for his attacks on his own parents but at the same time we too can see how, to make him feel special, we may have forgotten to teach him the art of being happy when failing or rejected or accept that there will be People who wouldn't agree with you and that it is ok.

Ofcourse he does have hormonal issues also playing a role. The therapist was explaining that these life situations often trigger a predisposition to mental illness sometimes.

My son is getting better but there is a long way to go. 

If you are dealing with your child's behavioral issues, it's best and imperative to seek professional help, not just medicines but therapy, he or she needs to voice their thoughts, work and alter their internal assumptions that may be leading to their pain, their anger and their frustration. The earlier the help they get, better are the chances of normal life reemerging for them.

 

I have been through a lot and it took me courage to share my story.

Hope it helps anyone in my situation.

 

Smita Prakash