IWill

IWill 2021-12-30 01:50 - 4 minute read

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My daughter wont adjust to neglect & loneliness in name of marriage 

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My daughter Akanksha was in IWill therapy... I got her enrolled. Because this time when she came home, she came all of a sudden, was very irritable, crying a lot, not happy, avoiding talking about Ajay (her husband) and also always messaging someone and looking as though she was fighting or was unhappy...

 

When her IWill therapy began, after a few weeks she opened to me and said about the issues she had been facing... She said she wanted my help to stand with her and also support so that as she is learning in therapy, she can do things to overcome depression and start her life instead... 

What she told me, is I guess the story of many girls in our country and we are all guilty... A father of a daughter like me is also a father of a son... And we have double standards that are causing a lot of hurt for our children...

 

My daughter or anyone's daughter goes to a new home, to find a home, to find love. Yes, we tell her to adjust and have been telling so for ages... But nit anymore...

Adjustments asked from her are not to blend in a new home... They are. to erase her identity. 

Adjustments are not asked so that she is happy with their setup. They are to ask her to be unhappy... and adjust to that...

 

Adjustments are not asked to accept the love of her husband and be happy with him... It is asked that she gets little or no love expression from him, and she still adjusts to that..

 

I am sorry but as a father, I do not agree for my daughter to make these adjustments... I do not want her to have any love, to have no one who hears her, I don't want her to be neglected and always made to feel like she is an outsider and has to prove and prove and prove to be considered an equal part... 

I do not want her to be asked to compromise because "the great daughter-in-laws" of the clan no matter how educated they were, did the same... I am not OK with perpetuating abuse and isolation for my daughter in the name of tradition or quoting wrong examples...

My daughter or anyone's daughter is equal and deserves love, admiration, respect, value, care, attention, and acceptance of husband and his family... 

I am going to support Akanksha to help her come out of depression... They are also starting couple therapy sessions to discuss and work out their differences if possible.

But as a father of a daughter, I make it clear that I am there, my daughter is strong herself... I won't force her to be in toxicity to keep my ego or fake social image...

 

I care less about people and care more for my daughter..

And as a son's father, I pledge not to repeat what my daughter has faced... if every parent can decide on these two points, we will have happy homes for our kids, both sons and daughters..

Arunesh Gupta

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