Husband ignored me to please his mother and kept quiet

IWill blogs

My mother-in-law would see me with my husband and say, \"Now put me in old age home

He hugged her, and I stood there, shocked as to what happened. I was just going out with him 

My husband would stop talking to me and would leave me alone when we visited his hometown

My mother-in-law would make me feel so small by randomly asking me to touch people's feet, to stop me from laughing, saying I needed to behave, to make me constantly feel threatened, by attacking and laughing sarcastically at anything I said

If my husband made a plan with me for his birthday, she would make sure she guilt-trips him and get the Plan cancelled and he would cancel that plan

 

She would make him go on random trips, and I would be left alone and completely feeling powerless and unimportant in this dynamic

His sister would also gaslight her mother and make my husband believe that he had to ignore me and that i was taking away his time and love from their mother and that it was wrong. Worst pain was that my husband even though may have known that she is wrong, would still listen to her

 

His mother would make sure I am attacked verbally by others in the family, sometimes they would say things about my family, sometimes would pass insults as jokes, like once I was eating and his Bua said \" eating so much, kabhi khai nahi ho kya\" and then started laughing, and this was everyday

 

If I were to get some happiness or attention, they would ignore me

 Also, constant negative feedback would be about me. For example, we tried to talk to her, but she ignored us, didn't touch my feet, was rude to me, and said I would decide for myself and my husband [when I would have said we were planning a vacation]. Then he would come and fight with me.

 

My mother-in-law would say your wife slammed the door when I would have just closed it

She doesn't call me when I would have called her so many times, only to get her cold response and stopped

The feeling that I was secondary and that my rights could be taken away and that I could be \"put in my place\" was always there

 I loved my husband; he was nice and cared for me when we were alone.

But his ignorance of me, when influenced by his mother, his secondary treatment, and being silent about my abuse, had broken my heart

 

 I joined IWill therapy, and it was here that my therapist helped me find a way to first accept that what was happening to me had to change, and I had to assert and take care of my mental health

She then helped me see that it was not that I was less; it just meant that my husband and his family had a faulty family dynamic

She helped me start spending time with friends and doing things I liked

She also enabled me to have a life of my own and not let anyone have the power to hurt me

 I had my trips

I had my plans

I started standing up for myself

My husband noticed changes in me, and now said to me a week ago that he wanted me to explain to him what went wrong 

But I don't feel like changing him, I don't feel like living with a man like him anymore, who did not stand up for me, who didn't see my pain of isolation and loneliness

 I will take my time, and I will see whether I want to be back in this relationship

I don't feel like I can ever trust him again. I am taking my time away from him to heal! But I am glad atleast with therapy, I feel safer and much better about my self!

Jasmine Chaddha

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