My husband tries to impress his mom by ignoring me. Not tolerating this toxicity and negativeness anymore 

IWill blogs

I got married to a man who I loved. So I never thought I could be facing his ignorance after our marriage. 

I never thought that I would have to cry because of lack of love or isolation because we had such a beautiful relationship but here I was struggling with this and more.

My husband's mom started becoming upset over his time for me and his love for me.

She would not talk to him, ignore him, pass remarks That he had forgotten her, she would always be upset. And this had such an impact on my husband that he started ignoring me.

 

Now he would compare my random things to his mother and say how good she is to make her feel better.

He would talk to her when back from office and ignore my presence.

He would praise her cooking, her skills and always say things like no one can be at this place.

My husband would cancel my plans for his mother.

He would avoid me, give me less love, only be around me when it was night and it was becoming so toxic for me.

 

I started feeling like there was no dignity for me in this relationship.

I became isolated and totally hurt with all that was happening.

I would feel love deprived and stuck in a comparison battle that i didn't sign up for.

I didn't marry this man...my husband when I was dating him would come 2 hours just to see my face but today, we lived in same house and he kept ignoring me, he would travel with his mother every now and then, leaving me behind.

I felt like the other woman or person in this home. 

And if I cried, I was tagged as person who is difficult, who is "jealous" of a son and mother relationship. 

I was labelled as being not good, no one saw my hurt and my loneliness. No one saw I had come here just for my husband and that it wasn't about being a good son or not, it was about the promise of being a husband, a life partner.

Pained, I became so depressed that I started having thoughts of ending it all, my career, my life all had taken a back seat.

 

So i joined IWill therapy counseling on the recommendation of my best friend.

 

The therapist at IWill was the person who understand me, she didn't label me as being jealous or non adjusting. But she saw my hurt emotions. 

She helped me first to gather myself together, not feel like my life is over. She gave me the courage and strength to focus on myself too.

She helped me gain my boundaries and respect back, have time for friends and not be there at home always at mercy of anyone else for my happiness.

I also started communicating with my husband and the problem I was facing... and how it was not ok to label me for his ignorance.

 

I started also focusing on my life and I stopped being available at home just for some random abuse or for endless waiting.

 

My husband witnessing the change in me said he wanted to opt for therapy too. It was here in couple therapy that he could understand that he was infact solving the wrong problem. 

He had to stand up for our relationship not give up on it.

Rather than ignoring me, he should stand up for our relationship.

He married me with a promise and commitment for partnership. He couldn't give up on me like that. 

 

He understood and saw that expectation to ignore his own wife was toxic. He could see how much our love had changed, how the meaning of our marriage had now changed and it was only continuing hurt that was all there. And it was because i was being denied the love I deserved.

 

I wasn't jealous. Someone else was and that needed to be fixed.

 

11 weeks into therapy, my life had become like it had to be.

My husband no longer ignored me. He felt sorry for what had happened and was now always standing for our relationship, taking care of me, sharing life with me.

I was focussing on my career and life too.

 

I was no longer living the toxic life of ignorance and denial.

I wasn't adjusting to isolation anymore.