My in-laws are only good when you treat them superior which I can't.. this mentality breaks me.

IWill blogs

What I got most hurt about, how I was seen and what my place in eyes of mu in-laws was post my marriage.

It was shocking because I had never imagined I would have to see or face this as a challenge.

My in-laws who are educated and elite of the society had an uncanny, repulsive superiority complex.

Their view point was a daughter in law is always supposed to listen, not have a mind of her own, should pamper in-laws including sister in law even If daughter in law is younger or more alone in this new setup and this was heartbreaking.

 

 

So I was expected to, 

 

Take care and be empathise with in-laws but when i was in pain, it was always trivial.

I was expected to praise, talk about good things about my in-laws, and nor even one could be about me.

I was expected to not spend time with husband, husband was only for in-laws. My job and expectation from me was that I should spend my time with in-laws.

I was always told things in "fun" about my family, and random jokes to make them feel they can push the boundaries and get away with making these remarks.

I was expected to say sorry, to make relationships work as everyone honestly, aren't they gods?

I was just so emotionally exhausted and wasted in this environment.

It was toxic, no doubt, I didn't want to be treated this way, absolutely.

And I was not here to be buttering, massaging egos and in the same breath being denied time and involvement with husband. This was the weirdest.

And the argument was, marriage is a family thing. Hello, it's between two indivduals first as the key, how could that be overlooked.

I was dying inside emotionally. Everyday to let them feel they are superior, at the expense of all values I learnt and stood by, at expense of my Happiness, peace, I just couldn't take it.

I was so depressed and now direction less and helpless as husband didn't stand for me either.

I joined IWill therapy to discuss, somehow lessen this pain and wanted to come out of this mess.

Therapist at IWill helped me first speak my heart out and then she helped me assert as I was breaking, she helped me speak my mind positively and assertively rather than feeling restricted. 

Therapist helped me expand my emotional circle and focus on things that could make me happy. Things that could heal me, make me feel loved and worthy, focusing on career, reducing social and emotional needs dependence that I had developed in these past few months

I make sure no one passes remarks on me. I don't take them.

I don't pamper others at my expense. I am not part of gossips.

I don't take moral judgements on my behavior.

I don't allow them to make me feel unworthy. 

I don't take comments on my parents.

I focus on my career and growth too.

Families Are all about mutual respect and correct roles and duties. I am no less than my husband, in-laws and sister in law and I will not anymore take such abusive and diminishing my self worth kind of behavior!