My inlaws should understand that I am here in there house for my husband's love legally, spritually and emotionally

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He will eat food that I cook for him, my mother in law said when I was about to get in the kitchen to cook for my husband.

- He will spend time with his family, love us, not always be around you, said my sister-in-law when I asked my husband when he came from work to go out with me. 

- He will not go on this holiday with you. He will go with us to this wedding, said his family when I had planned a holiday with my husband for more than a month, canceling it at the last moment!

- His birthday is first ours, was said to me when I was planning a birthday surprise for my husband. 

- He will do this pooja with his family, it was said when my family and parents for the first time kept a pooja for both of us at my papa's home. 

- Why does she make you spend so much, would be said in front of me to my husband whenever he purchased for me! 

 

 

My in-laws made me feel like I should be non-existent in my husband's life. They made me feel like I was there to just listen to them. I was there just to make them feel superior, and have someone to bully around.

My husband while a good man was too weak to stand up to his family. He would ignore me when they wanted to. He would spend time with them as they instructed. And if I complained he would say they are his family and our elders and I should adjust!

I was diving in deep sadness. The constant ignorance and power games developed self-worth issues in me... I was beyond insulted and I would feel deep resentment! I was lonely and all I did was cry myself to sleep day in and day out. 

 

A friend of mine told me about IWill couple therapy sessions online... I convinced my partner to join therapy.

Therapy at IWill came as the biggest gift for me...

The therapist at IWill made my husband realize that I was legally, spiritually, emotionally, and even physically closest to him 

Role play sessions

Through role-play sessions, she helped him realize what if he was there in my home and he encountered similar treatment. What if he was the only person I knew in the set up and the family at my home made him feel isolated. How would he feel if in my home where he was only there for me, he would be ignored like I was facing ignorance at his place.

Role-play sessions helped him see how wrong it is to experience what I was going through... How I deserved the opposite of what I was getting to feel integrated, to feel welcomed! 

 

 

Realization of Significance 

She also helped both of us realize how significant our bond was. She in therapy helped us realize that we would be there together for life. The bond that we form now, the stand that we take for each other today, will reflect in our lives and our behavior as we grow old. This was one relationship where there was no scope for resentment. We needed to be together and stand up for each other. He, as my husband, needed to stand up for me against this environment where I was being separated from him!

 

Open Communication 

 

Our therapist at IWill also helepd us practice open communication in a non threatening and a defensive manner. She helped my husband and me learn that if as a partner we feel that something is off and we share that, its not an attack, its simply a discussion for enabling change... She also helped us learn how to communicate with each other in a way that doesn't trigger negative emotions or come across as attack! 

 

Result 

The result of this is that

My husband spends time with me and if someone stops him, he stands for our relationship and for his love for me!

My husband spends on me without ever worrying what others will say!

My husband stands up for me when someone attacks me or makes me feel less.

We have become companions and we plan and see our lives together.

Ours has become a dream relationship with respect, value, time and appreciation for each other... And most importantly, standing up for each other!

 

Thank you IWill therapy 

Akanksha Gupta 

If you are dealing with pain, a life that feels stuck, or one where you are not able to be your best version, if there is discord and hurt and pain in relationships thats breaking you, seek IWill therapy., Sessions are online and with the best and most empathic and experienced therapists in India. For booking and starting your sessions, download the app from link below and start therapy journey today