IWill

IWill 2021-06-30 11:15 - 4 minute read

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My life was a slave of my fears and my anxiety, not anymore

iWill user

I had so much bad happen to me and around me that expecting normalcy started looking abnormal to me. I was always on the alarm, always on the edge, always in deep fear that the next moment just like many previous ones will bring the worst for me...

I was always not relaxed, always panting, confused, nervous, overreacting... i had forgotten how to live life, how to be calm, how to deal with a situation when it comes, not dying anticipating it or fearing it will happen. I had lost friends, lost conversations with family... I was the "crazy one", I was the "panicked person"... I was the "fear-stricken"... The labels hurt me especially the crazy one... but within me, I knew, I was tired of my panic...

More than anyone else, I needed a break from my thinking, feeling, acting patterns.

More than anyone else. I wanted to enjoy fully and not be scared of something random and new next moment..

I wanted to plan and lead my life and not react to it...

I wanted to sing, dance, enjoy, meditate, chat, speak, work hard, dress up, be in the moment, and not this crazy lost person i had become

 

But I didn't know how... Small things kept happening and making me extend the trauma.. I never lived normal... I never lived in reality...

 

When I saw iWill therapy for anxiety, I thought I needed help, and here I have it. I must try despite my traumas, I must rise, despite my past, I should be free now.. 

 

I started therapy... The first few weeks went in unboxing all the hurt, the stored ache, the traumas, the sudden experiences that broke me... 

And then my therapist helped me see how yes traumas happened, but there were moments in life, many fears that never manifested. She helped me see that false alarms that anxiety raises we need to be aware of that... Many times fears I had never manifested. She helped me learn the art of waiting, rationalizing my fears, leading a life despite the presence of these thoughts, smiling even when at the back of my mind, these obtrusive fears wanted to take control.

She helped me see many good things that happened to me too, things could have been much worse, much more painful... But it didn't... I was allowing fear to take control and wreck more than the real traumas did, break me more than the real pain did, bury me more than the real situations did...

She helped me fight my fears, control them to be in present, dress up, smile despite when they were there, and in a few months, I felt much better, much more in present, calmer, and less freaked out...

I am returning to normalcy and I can see many sparks of that MADHU again who need to live each moment, take life with a full zest...

I feel i am not anxiety's slave anymore... And I just wanted to share this... You too can be free from clutches of health anxiety, social anxiety, panic attacks... Just please see this as a disorder, not a life you deserve. Seek therapy... You deserve IT!

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