IWill 2022-04-23 02:03 - 6 minute read

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My mother in law’s insecurity & complete control on son pushed ME in depression

Aparajita Sridhar

Daily Insecurities, denial, competition

You have to come with me. Priyanka won’t go with us. She knows no one there. We will be back by evening.

The day he bought a gift for me, I was so happy... suddenly my mother-in-law got upset, she went inside her room. My husband tried to talk to her and ask what had happened and she said nothing... not a word to him. She didn’t speak... I felt very strange and I couldn’t help but think, Is it because of the gift he bought for me... but then felt like I am thinking too much...

The next day my husband bought a much costlier gift for my mother in law end sister-in-law and they called me and showed it to me... I smiled outside but within me, I felt so awkward, so empty... Not because, he bought a gift for them but for the timing, the strange behavior and the things said today to me. I had never experienced anything like this before!

One day he was praising me on something and then his mom came, they exchanged a few looks and from next day on, on same thing he would just say “no one here like my mother”...

And then he would always ship talking to me in front of his mother, listen to her, pamper her and I would be sitting there like I had no work being here, like my sole role was to witness others having great love and bonding... why was I in that home then?

These were not isolated events... it was continuous, persistent...
I felt so left out, so threatened, so empty, so let down even in my husband...
Shouldn’t he think about how it makes me feel too.
Showing me that I am less or that always bowing down to anger, insecurity and competition from his mother, without realising how bad I feel, how hurt and tortured I feel...

I felt so angry... I wanted to leave everything behind and go too and show my husband too how he would feel if I leave... but I was so weak, so broken, that I went into a spiral of pain, a need for not existing...

I joined IWill Therapy...

In therapy first Individual
The therapist helped me to see my self-respect as my own. To not judge myself basis a dysfunctional relationship and lack of attention because of it...
She helped me focus on my work.
She helped me focus on myself.
I had so many more means to be proud of myself.
I didn’t have to fall in this competition. That was not the measure of my self worth

She also helped me assert and speak with my husband without crying falling weak or getting angry... ask him and help him see what was happening and if he really thinks I deserved it...

Couple therapy
My husband too joined IWill therapy after 4 weeks or so and it was in therapy that the therapist helped him see that by falling into the need to fill in insecurity, he was allowing a bad trend to be set up, was denying me and him of love and was setting comparisons...
he had every right to love me.. and I had right on his attention..
He made me his wife... and in that role, I was his first family... therapist helped him see and be in my shoes how much his indifference hurts me... how much I had loved him, and how I was struggling in his world.

My self-worth is the basic of parameters that are my own. Myself my work, my own belief in myself. I don’t bother too much of how people compare me or try to bring me down!

My husband never apologizes for spending time or doing things for me.
He stands for our relationship and our life.

I wanted to share my story as this is something I wanted to say...

I really respected my mother in law and I still do. She is my husband’s mother.
But I faced was not needed. It destroyed my mental health and denied me the love and respect I was to get

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