My mother in law sees me as a competition and worst pain was that husband too behaved the same with me

IWill blogs

 

When I got married I was so happy . I was excited to receive and give love to my husband. To have my own home. To have a place where I do things for my husband . To live a life that I always imagined.

But life became so problematic for me...

My mother in law didn’t like my presence at all. She felt like I had come between her and her son... and her treatment and behavior towards me was so competitive, so denying me of my love and presence.

Like when I cooked food for my husband, instantly there would be comparison by her, remarks on how it has more chilly, less oil and then she would tell me that only she will cook in the evening for her son.

When he would buy one thing for me, she would get so upset that he would have to take her shopping. He couldn’t do one thing only for me as a wife.

There was always competition, or if something was bought for me, no matter how less costly, there were remarks that money needs to be saved... and that my husband should control finances.

My mother in law would never let us sit alone. She would come sit next to him and then she would dictate their conversation. My husband always had to speak more to her, actually only speak to her for the home environment to be normal.

He also never could compliment me. He had to praise his mother for everything. If I did something, instantly the comparison would go to her mother, how well she did it.

Or if I bought something, it would be how mom buys better things. Like there was no space for compliments for me... I felt so neglected and so unloved.

He would cancel my plans to go out with his mom, plans with his sister.... I was always asked to adjust...

I felt so drained. I felt so annoyed. I felt so lonely, so unloved, so broken. It was a very threatening environment for me.

I joined IWILL Therapy on a friend’s recommendation. It was here that the therapist at IWill in online sessions started helping me feel better about myself.

She helped me start my work, disconnect my mind from the personal feelings, behaviors and patterns and see my life for growth, for myself, my worth and value.

She then asked if my husband could join therapy. I had to convince my partner but eventually he agreed to take couple sessions.

It was in couple therapy at IWill where our iwill therapist did role play sessions with my husband and help him see if I was doing the same with him and his mother was replaced by my father how would he feel?

How would he feel if I ignored him, didn’t compliment him, keep leaving his space to be around my father only and keep directly comparing him.

She helped him see how lonely he would become if he had to live like me.

She also helped him see that boundaries of a husband wife relationship need to be there. How his mother does spend full time with his father.

A basic fact that we all know but we tend to ignore when it comes to our spouses.

She also helped us both develop a bond, explore our relationship, stand up for each other.

And how beautiful life would become, if we both cherish and nurture this bond, this love.

How beautiful it will be if he compliments me and I get dressed for him. The small joys of being in a couple relationship that we both were being denied with this dynamic!

Also she helped him see how expression of love or anything feels with comparison.

Like she said to my husband you are very good in sharing but your wife is so much better.

He looked at her as to why she said it and then she said it was just an example to make him see how bad comparisons can feel even in a formal setting.

So imagine what happens to Aarti [me] when i am constantly only getting any expression only in comparative terms, always being looked down upon or made to feel less or small. HOW THREATENING THAT WAS!

SHE HELPED HIM SEE HOW MUCH LOVE I WANTED TO GIVE HIM AND HOW THIS WAS ALL BLOCKING ME. IT WAS BREAKING MY IINNOCENCE

NOW MY HUSBAND pampers me! He takes care of me. He blocks his mom who tries to compete with me.

I am glad we took iwill therapy. I am glad my husband changed. The worst pain is being made to feel secondary in your own home, ignored by your husband to be competing with your Mother in law

Aarti Wadhwa

If you are dealing with pain, a life that feels stuck, or one where you are not able to be your best version, if there is discord and hurt and pain in relationships thats breaking you, seek IWill therapy., Sessions are online and with the best and most empathic and experienced therapists in India. For booking and starting your sessions, download the app from link below and start therapy journey today