My partner changed & takes care of me now. But TRAUMA makes me react & have fear 

Saloni Malpani

Initially, my partner ignored me a lot. I was important but only less than everyone.

To please others, I would be ignored.
To please others, my plan would be cancelled.
To please others, I would be left alone.

And when I asked for my place in their life; I would hear things that didn’t look like my partner’s words.... they would almost say what others must be telling them.
That I should let them be who they are, respect their independence, their family is most important and I shouldn’t even think I can be the same and more...

I suffered a lot. I lost my happiness... I felt stuck, cheated, and misunderstood! 

In due time, with my mental health completely deteriorating due to abuse that was emotional, isolation and denial of love,

I started therapy at IWill.

Things started changing between us as my partner could see his denial of spending time with me was the denial of this relationship! My partner could understand that I deserved love, that he wasn’t doing wrong by giving me time!! There was no need for guilt, only need for love. 

 

Things changed a lot but trauma is still there for me! I still get fearful at family functions! I still feel scared when my partner is talking to people who made him ignore me and isolate me! I feel history would repeat! I have no trust in my love... 

I still feel my bond is not enough... that trauma that I will be alone, without love, crying in pain of being humiliated comes back! That trauma of denial of my respect, my rights. And I would fight, cry, be so fearful... 

The trauma was breaking me and was interfering with my ability to move forward, to have a life now, and to focus on a good relationship! 

I was always fearful, small things would make me feel deeply insecure and worried about my relationship. 

And this fear was again affecting my mental health!

In therapy, I shared this and the therapist helped me let go, get comfortable to trust, to openly communicate with my partner about what makes me scared and talk about it. She helped me also have an independent life so that my sense of self-worth is not just coming from our relationship!

I wanted to share that this happens because I think others go through the same pain, the same agony and hurt!

It’s important that we normalise and talk about trauma caused behaviours! It’s not you, you are not selfish, you are not a bad person, you are traumatised! And this is what needs to be fixed!!

The trauma, the pain, the hurt, not you!!!! Don’t have self-doubt about yourself! Don’t start believing that you are a bad human being. Recognise the root cause of your behaviours and take charge of healing them! 

Saloni Malpani