My partner liked drama at my expense and it was toxic

IWill blogs

 

I was tired of my partner. I loved them a lot but they had just had such intense need of attention, focus all the time and also being always in command.

Slightest of disagreement with their view point or attention to someone else, or prioritisng anything else that was needed, which made them feel I was not giving attention to them, they would make it such a big deal with fights, drama, getting angry, not talking, taking extreme measures like locking self alone...

I would be so on the edge because of this. I would always be defending myself for small things that I did.

They would involve others first, my parents, their parents and then selectively attack those that differed from their view.

I loved my partner a lot. I was blindly, madly in love with them. But the inability to be myself, of constant drama, anger, sudden mood swings, of being just doing what they want and if I miss once, then their anger, the attack, the cold and silent vibes, the negligence, the lack of love would make me stand on the edge.

 

And it was not like if I stopped responding or reacting, it would stop. It would infact increase their drama. In this case they would suddenly intensify the anger, the reactions and would make life a living hell literally with the drama.

 

I was broken. I had become so scared inside of their reactions, of their drama. 

I was tired, exhausted of the arguing, of being a daily scene for others entertainment, for being the couple within family that everyone talks negatively about.

I was really dealing with a lot of hurt, inability to process emotions, inability to feel good. I had very high hopes of my partner but they made me question myself and this relationship every day.

 

I joined IWill therapy to seek help, to speak out, to learn how to navigate their behavior. 

It was in therapy that my therapist helped me understand that I needed to set boundaries and stick with them. I needed to assert for myself.

 

She also helped me focus on my work, myself and not feel so doubtful of myself due to my partner's attacks.

 

Therapist at IWill helped me find a space to speak my pain out.

She helped me refocus on my work, not be scared to have space to myself.

 

In the same time, she helped me focus on communicating with my partner. What was triggering such insecurity within them. Therapist helped me to see what could be that is causing such disruptions in my partner's emotions.

 

As I started talking to them with assertion and empathy, I understood they are going through a rough phase at work, they have been through some tough times recently and they are scared to losing more. Communication that is open and not attacking is helping bridge the gap between us.

 

The drama at my expense was toxic and we are breaking that pattern at home. I am standing up for myself while understanding their side of the story as well.

 

IWill has helped my home become much calmer, has helped me react less. But most of all has helped me stand up to the drama, toxicity and set my boundary.