My wife faced emotional abuse in my home & it takes a man to accept mistake & fix it
We were in IWll therapy. This was our 6th couple session and the therapist shared the following to me. My wife had been depressed and I had been in denial... This session was on seeing things from a psychological perspective and a partner's perspective
I am your therapist and I need to show you some things that may have been getting difficult to understand...
Let’s understand what emotional abuse is.
Emotional abuse is hurting someone emotionally, causing their emotions to be hurt, causing them pain that often breaks them, and giving them hurt.
Some of the examples of emotional abuse are
Ignoring someone: your wife is in your home. And usually, you too confessed that her needs are ignored, what she likes is usually not made, her opinions are not asked for, no one talks to her as much.. when this happens consistently in a home environment, it becomes abusive!
Belittling: telling someone their personality is not good if they plan for their career or want their happiness, telling them they are selfish or it’s not the right thing to do. Saying indirect remarks about someone’s background and trying to always show superiority, all of this is considered emotional abuse. This is what your wife is going so through too. She listens to remarks on her personality, what she says, she is immediately contradicted, as though correcting her is everyone’s first priority... Comparisons of her family always.
this can be really belittling
Isolating: when you give her time, you yourself said that your family gets unsecured and they start telling you to think about them! But you need to think about this from your wife’s perspective.
She is isolated. **She is your wife and she feels completely lonely. She is here for you. She needs your time. Just because someone is insecure on the wrong point, you cannot hurt someone else.
Downplaying : when she achieves something, no one celebrates her. She is instantly Compared with someone or it’s said that all of this is ok but her main role is this and that... you have to see it from her perspective too... without appreciation, no one can feel happy. When you get a promotion, everyone celebrates, your work, they celebrate you... the opposite for it can make the whole environment feel highly sad, painful... it’s painful to do something and then not be acknowledged for it... or have people around who don’t show their happiness.
Damaging: this constant talk about her, people attacking her in groups, this constant nitpicking of this being bad and problematic, this ignorance by you. All of this is damaging.
Your wife is educated. She was loved and pampered a lot. She was valuable to everyone around her. Here she feels a complete loss, a sense of pain is always engulfing her.
You need to recognize this and help fix it...
And I understood... as I heard it without bias and saw how she feels.
If no one spoke to me, if people didn’t encourage me for my career, rather broke me down, that would break me!
I learned that my wife had faced emotional abuse in my home and it takes a man to accept the mistake and fix it!
Thank you so much to our therapist at IWill for saving our marriage. And thanks to my wife for persevering!