IWill 2022-04-20 04:47 - 4 minute read

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My wife is my companion, not  assistant to me or people in my family. I wish to stand for her respect


This was me on different occasions standing up for my wife

I really wish to take care of Smita’s needs too. I can’t always avoid her needs while being a good family person. She is my responsibility too!

I won’t tell her what to wear and what not to! How to speak and what to speak! She is her own personality!

I won’t tell her to always call everyone. Or show everyone they are superior! She is my companion, not assistant to someone or less to someone!

If others make fun of her or treat her poorly, that reflects on me!

My wife needs to be treated as my companion! She is important to me!

She cannot be treated like she is here to please others! Because she is not!
She can’t be expected to do sacrifices at the expense of her happiness because it’s not ok!
She can’t be treated like she is less because she isn’t! By no measure

This was me Abhishek, standing up for my wife! Something very basic that I had failed to do in the past!

My wife a really nice and soft person was treated so poorly!

She was always made to feel like she was overdoing things, or that she didn’t fit in, or her expectations of equality are wrong!

And I would be asked to isolate her, not do things, I wouldn’t be man enough if I helped her, or if she didn’t cook the morning meal and so on...
I didn’t want to fight and so I didn’t do much to change it!

But my life lost her happiness! She would cry and I wouldn’t understand why! 

She felt let down of me and I didn’t realize why!!!

She started therapy at IWill and therapist mentioned she had severe depression!

She helped me see three things that my wife was being pushed to edge at

1. Lack of my standing up for her
She was my wife! I had a promise towards her. Her respect was mine. She was my wife and by letting her be treated in any way everyone likes I was hurting my self-respect too!

2. She needed my time! Like I needed hers... why was I to be only not expected to spend time with her, even when she is my wife!  She is here for me, this is our relationship first! She is not here to please others at her cost!

3. This was abuse and bullying that was happening to her and my silence was directly a problem too in letting this continue

Why should she be always treated differently? I loved my wife, why is it ok for everyone to attack her personality? Why is it ok for them to make like she is secondary... these questions, these nuances, and thoughts help me see my role in my wife’s life and also help me understand that she doesn’t need to stop crying, we have to do that by stopping pain for her, stopping treating her poorly or enabling an environment where she feels sidelined!

I am glad IWill therapy happened and I am glad, I could see where the problem was. The problem was in how my home treated her, not in who she is!

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