IWill

IWill 2021-02-04 10:57 - 4 minute read

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My wife was being treated worst by women in my family. I feel so sorry

IWill user

My wife was being treated worst by women in my family. I feel so sorry

So I was in therapy at IWill with my wife, trying to sort out differences that existed between us!

In this session, therapist at IWill said, Rahul, I will play an exercise with you, I may interrupt or say certain things today. Just reflect on them.

And so the session started

This is what the therapist said in the course of the session.

Rahul, let Shubhangi speak!
Rahul that laughter is a bit odd!
Rahul, it’s important for women to be able to speak, at least in therapy!
Rahul, it’s only fair if you put your voice differently. It doesn’t look nice and so on and so forth!


I was getting irritated as to why was she selectively giving my wife space. Why were my words and way of speaking irritating her?

Why was she, again and again, telling me as if only my wife could speak here?

And when she asked me how I felt, I shared exactly what I wrote above to her!

To this she said, you didn’t like my talking to you in this way for 40 mins and it’s only fair! I can be selective; I can’t tell you how to talk, I shouldn’t even try doing that! I should have no control on you!

And yet for your wife, she has only met control and difference in your home!

Her smile irritates the women in your family!
Her communication with you should always be as though she is less, has fewer rights!
She is asked openly to assert and speak less, to not have a voice!
She is asked to what should she wear!
She is bullied and ridiculed for wanting to be a strong woman!


If she wants to meet friends, wants to be with her parents or do things on her own, she is belittled as a woman and made to feel how she is getting out of the unequal boundaries set for a woman!

How abusive is this, especially as it is 24*7!
Imagine how painful it is for her, to be witnessing this day in and day out!


She is always made to feel about her clothes
She is made to feel she can’t or doesn’t have the right to make her choices
She is made to feel constantly that you, your family are superior than her and her family too!

How is this OK?
And as she said this, relating to my momentary irritation caused by the IWill therapist herself in the exercise gave me a lens into the deep pain my wife went through
Now I could understand somewhat the hurt my wife went through and how it wasn’t normal day to day family issues but inequality and discrimination

And I decided to change things for my wife! Take these things in my hand and ensure that I stand up for her, for her right to be, for her to be treated equally!

I am committed to helping her heal in therapy and commuted to learning why so many issues arose and rectify my side, with deep sincere apologies! 

 

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