Narcissist in-law convinced everyone that I hated them when in fact it was the other way.

iwill user

We were in iwill therapy. I had become this family hating, an insecure woman in the eyes of my partner. And somewhere I had been confused and gaslighted about myself too. Was it me who was jealous, insecure and not ok with my husband speaking to his family?

But that’s what narcissists do. They project their insecurity, bad behaviour on others so cleverly that even the victim feels confused.

In therapy when my husband and I were discussing what happened, everything became clear.

1. See mom wanted me to spend less time with her so that everyone thinks we are like not too absorbed in each other. People make fun of this...

And after that my wife started questioning my time with my friends and how I did all these duties for my sister, mom etc!

So IWill therapist said, well in this case if you carefully look at what happened, your wife who was there just for you, was denied your time by you... it’s irrelevant what others think or not think. A husband and wife need each other.. what she did afterwards is just mere questioning or feeling sad that you have time for everyone but for her...she had difficulty comprehending it because it is incomprehensible... why would you have time for everyone but for her... 

When your mother started telling her she is not good enough, This is not how it happens in this home. Comparing her. Belittling her. 

That brought the void. That’s why she stopped talking with her freely out of fear, out of being treated differently. 

Now you can’t or no one should use that behaviour as her being insecure. It’s a result of being treated differently 

 

She feels bad to see your love for your family, not because she is jealous, but because you don’t do the same for her... someone can point and say well she is unhappy for you , no but she is unhappy for this relationship! 

 

She feels alone in this house and keeps to herself, not because she is antisocial or doesn’t want to mix with you all, but there is no space for her on the table, for her emotions and only disrespect that drives her away...

My husband could see as could I that I wasn’t the one being manipulative or insecure or jealous. I was appearing such because of how the narcissist around had isolated me, made me feel the pain of loneliness over and over again and this had to change... 

therapist at iwill also helped me learn to stop being so reactive, of being assertive and yet respectful, of not breaking due to other’s actions! 

I am glad my partner saw this too.