Narcissist lover and the pain they cause

IWill blogs

 

Its most difficult to escape a lover who is Narcissist.

Narcissists are people who in their head space have only themselves. They love you because of how you are making them feel in the moment. They start getting jealous, devaluing you, going up and down when your presence starts threatening their self-esteem or their expectation of you.

They will once the over enthusiastic early phase is over, make a person's life hell and all about themselves and even then it becomes impossible for most people to leave them. Lets understand why 

The high of the early phase 

No one can give you the attention, the words, the value that a narcissist can give you. They will use words that make you feel you are at the top of this world, they will give you time and attention. They will ensure they take your time with others too. This will start making you dependent on their love. They will sing you praises.

They will make you feel how their life revolves around you.

And you will fall for the attention, the love as no one would have been able to match up with their level of attention.

Demands on taking action fast 

They will propose you faster than anybody ever has. They will look completely into you and would want you to believe their intentions. In this time their mask starts to fade a bit.

Their anger starts coming out, rage and control. 

They may stop attention at will and give it back only to get what they want out of you.

You will become more compliant to get their love and that will be your relief to have them back.  While this is all a play for them, you are falling for it. 

Getting you in and devaluing you 

Once you are committed to them and to a degree that now you have less escape as they are integral part of your life either as husband/wife or someone who knows everything about you and the addiction that they have caused to your mind, they will start devaluing you, breaking your self-esteem, making remarks about you, gaining support from others when there is nothing.

Bread crumbing and some love to keep you in

They will give you bare minimum access to their love and their previous self to keep you thinking you can win them back.

When in reality nothing of this is true.

They are now doing it only to keep using you for the ways of their life and their emotional dependency on you of how and when they need you. 

Life with them 
You are losing your people.
You have lost your work.
You have lost your reputation.
You have lost your wellbeing 
You have no genuine love in your life.
You walk on egg-shells 
You are getting crazier as they take accountability for nothing.
They confuse you in their conversations and you feel stuck.
You are without love, without respect and without peace. 
You ARE DEALING WITH TOO MANY WHISPERS AND CONSTANT SMEAR CAMPAIGNS AND HALF TRUTHS ABOUT YOU SPREAD OUT.

What can you do now

Its absolutely difficult to leave them as the moment you will want to leave, they will change their ways and beg you or stop you somehow. And also because you really love them. Their charm, their attention all has absorbed you in. You still crave for the good old times and glimpses of which they keep showing.

But its painful and self damaging everyday to be with them and lose every part of yourself and your relationships with others.

Therapy at IWill can help you great deal.

First is to help you gain some power and boundaries with the narcissist, second even if you cant leave them , helping you control their behaviors and interactions with you, giving you power in the dynamic, helping you to regain your self esteem, learning skills to work with them.

And also if you can leave them, helping you in reaching that stage while ensuring you are not damaged further in the process. You can come out of the addiction cycle. You can come out of the abuse.

For booking therapy sessions with the best therapists of the country, at IWill, download the app from the button below or start iwill therapy from the top right corner AND book sessions now!