IWill 2021-06-05 10:15 - 4 minute read

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Narcissists don’t change but we can get their mask off I did that

Sonal Singh

“I don’t think my wife is trying to take me away from anyone. She is trying to be my partner and I respect that. I want to be with her too. She is not here for frying pakodas for everyone and serve others. She is not to do any of it. She is here for me!!!

I don’t think we should compare or make her feel less about her achievements. It’s not nice. She is not here to listen all day how she is not good
I don’t think she said anything that should bother anyone here. She just said something to make her point. Why? Why can’t she speak up. Is this only everyone else's right!

Even if you cry. I don’t think she did wrong. Please let’s be a family and stop doing this

No, why would I not go with her to her family? Why does Mona get to be treated like her husband and she have all the power here. If she can have it here given this is her home, why should my wife and I not go to her parents. I love them. They are very nice to me! They are so loving. I wouldn’t want anyone to stop this”

This was my husband finally able to see who the narcissist was, what abuse I had been through!

Me and my husband were in therapy! A certain narcissist in his life has destroyed me! Worse, my husband still thought of the person as god. As the ideal person, as emotional, soft and he thought I was selfish, insecure, non understanding, not as loving, I wanted him to be separated from others!

I had tried everything , fight, cry, plead but he didn’t understand that I was the one going through abuse and he was a part of that abuse!

But it was in therapy step by step that this mask came off. It was in therapy that for the first time, I felt happy, a joy of being understood; of being proven that I was the victim and not the aggressor!

How did it happen? Well I’ll share a few things from therapy

My husband could see that asking my place in his life and his narcissist family member making an issue about it, that was strange! That was wrong! What if my parents or someone in my family did the same thing!

She helped my husband see through a role play, power and destruction of smal words!

Oh you did this, lovely, someone else did it even better!
Oh you woke up so late. Must be tired. Not everyone can rise despite being tired!
Oh you are going to your parents! Right they need you. Though you know Mona’s mother-in-law can’t do a thing without her and I sacrifice knowing she is theirs now. But go!
Oh talking to our family member? Please ask me first!

The therapist also helped him to see me and my behaviors! What was I being made villain for?
1. For wanting to love him?
2. For wanting to be with my parents too?
3. For being myself?
4. For being his wife?
5 for animosity and jealousy?

Therapy helped the narcissist’s mask off in front of the person I wanted this to happen the most!

And I know narcissists don’t change! But who cares! Now I can deal with the person. I don’t need to keep it in. I can have my boundary. My place. My word and my husband is with me, he doesn’t blame me or label me anymore!

The drama has stopped!
The blind support of my husband for the narcissist is gone!
And I am healing! The trauma of the past hurt will go slowly....but now I know it will!


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