became a mother, but my husband's family made it the most painful time for me

iwill blogs

The baby looks exactly like our son. The baby is ours

 It was immediately said to me as soon as I gained consciousness. No regard to my labor, to my 9 months or my emotions

What are you doing? Why is the baby crying so much

This would be said constantly to me despite me trying to feed the baby, to make the baby happy and do everything needed to be done for the baby.

Our son works hard and does much as a father.

Fine to praise your son, but no appreciation for me as a mother, and certainly not in front of others

Let's play with the baby. We will decide the name. We will decide what will happen. The baby is of our family.

Random uncles and aunts would be used to talk to me like this to hurt me all the time and make me insecure

When i would have take help from a maid, things will be said how baby when is fed by maid is bad, that women today make fuss and yet other bhabhi's care all by herself and so on

[21/06, 01:42] Shipra: Everything about motherhood that could bring me joy was made a painful event

I had no help. If my husband would try to help me, indirectly so much would be said that he would still help but try to avoid so that he doesn't have to listen to all the bad stuff

Everything I did would meet with a dialogue that started with some doubt or question mark.

I was beyond exhausted

I felt like I had no agency

 I felt like I was treated poorly and not respected for my relationship with my baby and this was breaking me

 I would cry myself to sleep.

 I would feel so exhausted and so stuck and unhappy

I would have many fights with my husband

 I started becoming depressed. I needed appreciation, I needed love, I needed security. I had been through so many health issues during my pregnancy, so many changes to my life, that this lack of empathy was breaking me

I joined IWill therapy, and it was here that I felt understood

Therapist at iwill would genuinely appreciate me and show me how much I was doing as a mother

She also helped me see that no one could take my baby away. I needed to assert and do what was best for my baby, take help and rest and be comfortable

She also helped me slowly to start focusing on my career, my life, and do everything that was needed to feel complete and be myself

[She would encourage me to get back to my routine, to meet with friends, to take care of myself, to prioritise myself

As I started feeling better, she also asked my husband to join iwill therapy and have couple sessions

She helped him see how some of the things said and behavaior I was receiving was highly negative for me and my baby

She helped him see that in his home and place, he needed to stand up for me. He needed to take my side. He needed to stop the abuse and he needed to bring comfort to me. This was our baby and our life

 She helped him see through role play how if he would be told, how baby doenst look like him at all, and if baby is in his hands and remarks that what he is doing is always wrong, would make him feel?

And he did see how painful this behavior can get. He changed and started standing up for me

 He started saying things that counter others' narrative to make me feel comfortable

 I feel more looked after now. I work and I am taking care of my baby

 I assert and so does my husband.

I have started working again and living my life too.

This beautiful phase had become the most painful for me.  I am glad I could heal myself, and I could get the right help for me and also the right direction emotionally for my husband

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