My mother-in-law competing with me was the most depressing thing for me

IWill

 

You would sit at the back seat. I am used to sitting in the front

Whenever we would sit to talk, she would come and ensure that there is something so important that my husband leaves me to focus on her

Whenever I was looking beautiful, suddenly my sister in law would start saying that her mother was and continues to be the most gorgeous young lady she has ever seen

Whenever I would remotely plan a trip, she would ensure it's cancelled, and my husband would either stay at home or go with her

Whenever I cooked something, there would be an instant comparison only to make me feel less

 Whenever we would go out, his mother would come

 Whenever my husband bought me a gift, the home atmosphere would change until he bought something bigger and better for her

 I was constantly told how my husband only loves his mother

I was pained, alone, feeling like I came into the wrong family

 I needed my husband's love and attention, and didn't even have that

I thought she would be my mother, but she made me feel so alone, lonely, and so competitive, so sad, so little, so lonely, so powerless

 Even my husband would not understand what I was going through and how his not standing against the competition was breaking me

 I was crying all day, feeling so unwell and so stuck in this marriage

A friend of mine suggested I IWill therapy. I joined Iwilltherapy.io, and it was here that my online therapist at IWill first helped me see that this power struggle was a direct result of my mother-in-law's inability to let go of control, and no matter who was in my place, she would have done the same

Next, she first helped me speak all the hurt out, gave me comfort that my life will be better, encouraged me to start focusing on my life, work, visiting my family, spending time with friends, so that all day I am not there at home to be in the same triggering environment

She then helped me focus on independently spending time with my husband and, in a non-confrontational manner, communicate the pain I was going through

My therapist at IWill asked me if my husband could join couples therapy. Somehow, my partner agreed to join

She then helped him understand how he would feel.if this was happening to him by my father or parents

 She helped him see that the couple relationship is the closest and requires time, love, and effort. i needed his time. And it was not ok for someone to not allow that, even if that someone was his mother

 She helped him understand that it despite being his mother, he had to stand up for me

He had to ensure that I had his time, that I was loved by him. I was his most important relationship, and I didn't have to compete with anyone for that. I had already earned the right to my husband's love and care

My husband started realising why it was painful. Role-play sessions of being in my shoes were the most important and prominent

He started, ensuring he praised my food

He started, ensuring he went out with me and had time for me every day to speak

If his mother got angry with him, he would stand up for our relationship.

Now I don't have to pay the price of my mother-in-law's competitive nature every day. Of course, I take her hatred and her silent treatment, but I have learnt not to be bothered by it and assert for my happiness and be myself 

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