No one saw me as an individual. They only saw my role to SERVE OTHERS . I changed this
Do you know what the worst pain is? The worst pain in life is being not treated as an individual.
Everything that you are seen for or expected to do and be is what others want you to be.
There is no emotional empathy for you. Your job is to serve people and their emotions. Even when they hurt you, you are bound to feel ok because if you express that it’s not ok; they will feel less powerful, or annoyed!
There is no space for you and your goals. You just must feel happy for their successes, clap for their success and cry for their pain: your pains, your struggles don’t matter !!!
When you live with such people and allow it to happen to you, which many of us do, in the name of being nice, being a “bigger person”, “proving yourself”, “taking care of others”, “being dutiful”, “being good”
Etc. when all of this happens, you lose yourself. You feel bitterness, anger but the heavy words from others suppress it. The expectation is one-sided and it’s reinforced in that way! Until you find yourself stuck, exhausted, drained, unhappy, broken, mentally broken!
Happened with me... I went into therapy at iwill, not knowing where to fight, what to expect, what to even think of, how to fit in, how to make those who are hurting me see me too, how to get empathy and so on...
Months of therapy sessions it took for me to heal. Understand. Revive!
Heal from the abuse of being made invisible, heal from the trap of guilt that anytime I think of myself I am the bad one
Heal from the fear of letting go, of the trauma that if I stand up for myself, I will face drama, abuse or people will leave me!
I stood up for myself, for my individuality, learnt to say no, learnt to not do things for others only, fit in their schemes and have no say.. learnt to let go of the collective pressure...learnt to give it back to them when I am blamed or reduced as a human.
Today I have a life, have a say, have a job, have a smile, have space for my emotions, consideration that I am a human who can rest, mentally be fragile, need space, need not to be available as needed. I am free from that pain!
I am myself, enough, I am myself capable! And standing tall without being used for needs of others, dodged around for other’s emotions