IWill 2021-10-12 09:56 - 2 minute read

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Our ideal marriage was hollow from the inside. I was being broken each day to fake it

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When I decided to divorce Manav, everyone was shocked!

Everyone said
You guys were perfect!
He had everything! You were happy! Why did you do this?
He was so nice to you and your family.. you should have worked it out!
Today women have just become so selfish!

This and more was said about me! But it didn’t hurt me! I was not in this world to please others or make them agree with my choices or break myself to pieces to keep the fakeness going on. I had done enough of that!

I had broken myself enough! To keep the fake image going, to keep my social profile “up” at the cost of a complete breakdown of myself!

This marriage was hollow from day 1

My husband and his family came from a higher background than me! They treated me like I was there to serve their needs! I was never enough for my husband! He would always take out my mistakes! I didn’t know how to plan things, I didn’t know how to maintain their social circle! I wasn’t smart enough. When I would express a desire to do something, he would bring me down, and then cover it up as “just fun”!

I was being reduced to nothingness every day!
And with this, he and his family would maintain a garb of love! Showering me with gifts I didn’t need, dressing up in the best clothes that people thought made me “lucky”!

And my husband would show extra courtesy to me when in public, will do things that will make him win others’ attention!

And so the cycle continued!

I hated myself! I had so much self doubt! I had lost my happiness! I was never enough! They would never respect my family!

I was broken! I didn’t know if there was a way out! I didn’t know if I could ever be happy or love myself again! I joined therapy because I was diagnosed with depression! Iwill therapy was a game changer for me! My self confidence in me bounced back! I could see clearly that I wasn’t bad, I wasn’t supposed to be this weak! That I could be anything I wanted to be!

Also the more I gained perspective over who I was, the more I was sure this fake marriage, this labelling, this garb was not for me!

And that’s where I drew my strength from! I chose myself and my life ahead and not the societal pressure to be in a relationship completely unhappy and rotten and waste the life we have!

I have started a job! And I know road ahead is tough but atleast I am on the driving seat and not surrounded by people who want to see my defeat!

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