IWill

IWill 2022-01-05 01:40 - 4 minute read

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People who didnt care for me and insulted me were shocked to see my changed SELF

Manika Rastogi

I was unwell and in my room... Someone came and asked what happened and then faked "oh show to the doctor and rest". And the next sentence was, this is very mild... Just look at "X" and she is so unwell. This will be fine.

Neither did I understand the comparison nor the fake one-sentence empathy...  

I was always ignored.. And asked to ignore... I was an outsider maybe... And people would stop talking when I came... Nothing was shared with me... and it was made obvious to me that I wasn't a part... It hurt me so much 

Love display, affection, care was for others... If my partner loved me or gave me attention, he was made to feel like he did something wrong... He would immediately have to compensate by showing someone else that attention... 

 

I was unhappy no one cared. 

I was sitting in the front seat of the car and was made to sit at the back... I cried but no one cared...

My husband said sorry to me for something and he was told it's wrong that he said sorry to me, he shouldn't. I heard it, felt insulted but no one cared...

 

I was asked to get up and get things even when helpers were sitting and was paraded several times, to show that I am less. There was no homelike feeling in this... I was hurt... And no one cared. 

I was so broken... Every day My self-concept was being broken... I was openly shown how I was DISLIKED, how I was not accepted and will be bullied... 

 

I joined iWill therapy, on my father's recommendation. His friend's son was in therapy here for his work-related depression...

 

In therapy at IWill, I started to gain strength and see that these people bullying me were also just people and I didn't have to be so scared and so powerless here... Therapist at IWill helped me learn to stand up for myself, even when no one was with me and I was being not cared for...

She helped me see that until and unless I speak for myself, no one would listen or change.

She also helped me change the thinking that was telling me that I was stuck here and no happiness could cross me because TODAY I was being treated this way... She helped me see if I could raise my standard from this petty politics and focus on myself, the world could be at my FEET. If I chose to do this... My therapists' support helped me a lot... 

Within 6 months there was a huge change in my personality... 

If someone would tell me a remark, I would directly question them as to why they think they have the right to speak to me in this manner?

Once someone again asked me to go and keep getting things while everyone sat down, I just said with confidence "This home treats daughters-in-law as daughters, isn't it and with equality, I hope it is reflected too" 

I started a job and would really focus on my career. 

My husband and I started having communication and I would tell him if I did 10% of what he is doing to me by ignoring, keeping quiet, the marriage would break... I told him how much lack of care I had got in this home.. And how I was not going to take that anymore...

8 months into my job, I bought my own car too and this time I sat at the driving seat :). No one asked me to MOVE THEN... I cried happy tears of joy...

I had responded back to everyone's lack of care, ignorance with my growth, confidence and personal rise... 

The biggest response that could ever be given! 

I am glad I took help, took support and I also walked on the steps my therapist had shown me... We can't choose and change people around us...

But we can surely become Our own person! 

Manika Rastogi

 

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