IWill

IWill 2022-12-21 07:30 - 4 minute read

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People who try to show you down and never let anyone praise you, always take the spotlight are worst, and toxic and affect mental health

IWill blogs

The moment I Shared, I had a promotion, there was a silence and the next thing said was, finally, it took so many years for you to get promotion. Good. Hope your financial problems will get better. How much is the salary hike? Is it significant?

And i was stunned. As I shared something that made me happy after so long, I was reminded instantly of my past failures, of my existing financial situation and my weaknesses. 

I was expecting a pat om the back, some happiness but my win was turned into a loss and shame instantly.

 

And this was not one time.

 

The moment someone appreciated me, topic would be changed to something else.

The moment I was the center of attention, something would happen, just to divert the attention away.

If I did something nice, no praises would be made, no appreciation, no one would even express joy, of these people.

 

It was this toxic and it was breaking my spirits internally. It was making me always feel hopeless about myself.

 

The attacks on me if something good happened to me or on others made me hesitant to share anything good happening to me. I wouldn't talk about good things happening to me as I would fear cold vibes, more attacks, toxic behavior and more.

I was breaking each day with these people.

I was losing my happiness.

I was losing my trust on myself.

 

I joined IWill therapy because I was exhausted living between such people. Those around would also appreciate them more so that they don't rub their wrong side. 

In therapy at IWill, my therapist helped me first to not take their behavior to my heart. They were plain insecure and it wasn't reflective of my skills or abilities. It was reflective of their ability to accept and be happy for others.

 

Next she helped me learn to be my own champion, to assert and speak when something very unkind was said for me. She helped me not to take abuse, not to feel bad defending self, to be comfortable in standing for self and appreciating self.

 

She helped me also share my wins with people who were positive and happy seeing my success. But more importantly she helped me learn to be my own motivation, to work relentlessly for my happiness, to be proud of self, to believe in self.

 

In therapy, I also learnt to not give my space to anyone, it's not ok to allow someone who is a bully to run all over you and your needs. It's accepting abuse and I needed to stop this.

 

I now have the courage to speak about myself without fear, do things that make me happy, never seek validation from people who I know are plain toxic, give it back to them if they attack me, with assertion. I also would not let them take away my space to speak. I didn't allow them to make me irrelevant.

 

I am sure many experience such toxic people around and start judging themselves because of their words. But we must stop giving them this power. We must not listen to their toxic words for us and internalize them.

We should never hold on to their toxic talk for us. They have an agenda to destroy us and we must stop them.

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