Post pregnancy I feel lonelier than ever as a woman. Husband and his family deserted me

IWill blogs

When I was out of the labor room and still in deep pain getting consciousness back, my husband got busy with his large family that had come to see the family.

He met me Briefly but what became more natural for him was to go to a near by cafe, sit outside in lobby laughing with his family for hours to celebrate birth of our baby.

Happiness when one becomes a parent knows no bound. But a wife, a woman who has just delivered yours and her baby, needs you by her side. I was in deep pain struggling alone with my old frailing mother. I wanted him to be sitting by my side holding my hand but no he was no where to be seen. It was extremely painful as an experience. So many thoughts, tears and Fears all rolled for me witnessing this. With stitches in my body and deep weakness, I was left in agony and pain.

Even when we reached home, everyone including my husband only was looking forward to the baby. The baby was taken from my arms and I was completely forgotten and made invisible in that moment.

I was happier than anyone to have my child in my arms for who I took so many pains alone as a mother but as a woman it looked like I STOOD DEFEATED, ALONE AND FORGOTTEN, LIKE I WASNT IMPORTANT TO ANYONE, NOT EVEN MY HUSBAND!

As days went by, everyone was comparing my child to my husband and his family. Everyone would just give me instructions on what to do. 

My work wasn't happening. And my husband's life was just as it used to be. I understand that he had to work and earn a living for all of us but what was painful was his behavior as though nothing has changed. He didn't care for me.

He didn't understand me. If i would cry, he would blame me to spread negativity. He would not play any active role in parenting or in being my man. I was beyond alone in everything.

 

Whole day I would be just with my baby, no one to talk to. No one to discuss my pains and Fears.

No one to listen to my feelings. No one to discuss how my future will be put together.

No one to applaud me. No one to tell me i am doing good. No one to appreciate anything i did.

I was made to feel like I was totally invisible to my husband. If I would say him anything or have an argument, his family would only talk to him in a manner to make him feel I was being irrational and like the first mother in the world and how every woman does this happily and takes care of her husband too and I was the one being negative.

There were times during the day where I would keep thinking of how my life should end. I would cry inconsolably. I was completely hopeless, lost and angry with my life.

But I was concerned for my baby. I wanted to get better for him

Her words, her listening to me made me feel wanted. Her understanding of my emotions and no judgment made me feel for the first time i was not crazy or selfish as everyone was making me feel.

She helped me organise a routine for me, set boundaries, say no to meeting people or being in situations that drained me. She helped me restart my work, look after me and take care of my looks and health, meet people that love me and can make me feel valued.

She also then once things got better for me mentally asked for couple sessions.

I asked my husband and eventually he agreed.

It was here that in one of the role play sessions, our iwill therapist helped him see how would he feel if he had stitches and was in pain and I was out with my family enjoying.

She helped him see that yes it's true that child birth is a happy occassion but it was still a time where I was suffering as part of process and that I as wife was still suffering.

She helped him see how much my life had changed and yes he needed to work but he also had to support me and love me and take care of me and protect me.

She helped him understand that i was going through postpartum depression.  

There were drastic changes in my husband as we continued therapy at iwill. He started caring for me. He treated me most important, above everyone else.

He loved me and ensured he played his role in taking care of the baby.

I am glad i joined iwill therapy.

It has helped me lose my pain and get care that i deserved. My days and months after pregnancy were the worst but I am glad they are over now.