IWill 2021-08-28 10:51 - 4 minute read

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Problematic patterns you need to overcome if you have them, for good mental health.

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1. Self-doubt 

“I won’t win”

“They didn’t like me”

“I am now too left behind”

“I am weak”

“I don’t think so I am capable”

If you are not able to trust yourself, if you deep down believe you are not capable, that you are less, you will have an unhappy, tough life with lots of disappointment and always failed hopes from others who unfortunately not be able to take you at heights or happy states where you can for yourself!

Of course self-doubt creeps in because of past failures, other people’s assumptions, and traumas! However in reality we all make mistakes, everyone is disliked by someone, and all of us have problems one time or the other... the self-doubt tries to turn into the problem, while what was needed was turning yourself against the problems!

If you are dealing with mental health issues, that are making you self-doubt..


2. Fear of abandonment 

“I can’t live without them! Let me beg them to stay”

“I hate to see how they treat me but no I can’t imagine life without them”

“I will be over if they leave me”

“I need them, they don’t need me”

“Will they forget about me, has someone taken them away from me”


The most problematic pattern is becoming dependent on validation of the toxic people around. The most painful pattern is when a person knows they are in a toxic relationship , they are being ignored, emotionally abused, being broken through silent treatment or ignorance and yet due to the fear that toxic people are able to create within the person, that they are nothing without them, this fear of abandonment keeps them stuck with toxic people! 

3. Lack of discipline 

“Not following what needs to be done”

“Casually leaving things if “mood” isn’t there 

Leaving things midway because of lack of motivation or exhaustion 

 Not having established routines for things that need to be done 

Not being able to have self restraint when needed 

For someone to be successful they need discipline in life! They need to stick to plans, routines, despite lack of motivation sometimes they have to work to self-motivate! And if someone lacks discipline, lacks focus, and routines and structures created, they may lose out a lot on success! 

4. Lack of Trust Balance 

“Oh I never thought they would do this to me”

“I can’t trust anyone”

“I always tend to trust people too much, I harm myself to make them happy and they all disappoint”

If you can’t trust at all or if you trust too much, both patterns are problematic! Trust should have a balance. Most people do not have the right balance when it comes to to trust and this pattern can be deeply problematic making them exposed to hurt, setbacks! 

6. Lack of boundaries 

“No clear vision for self”

“Expecting others to defend you all the time”

“Too much insecurity and competition amongst relationships around” 

“Too much emotional turmoil and blame games around” 

If you don’t know how to respect your and other’s boundaries, if you are hurt that people attack you, don’t give you emotional space, if you too expect too much and sometimes do harm to yourself by sitting out and waiting for your loved one to come and rescuer you, all of these are signs of poor or no boundaries! Your goals, aspirations need to be clear! You need to have boundaries of family, as a couple, as individuals! They are needed for things not all time bumping into each other and causing trouble! 

Many times these patterns either happen due to mental health issues or lead to them. Either way, if you are dealing with these, it’s important to 1) be aware 2) Have a plan to work on them 3) seek therapy to support you in this process 4) bring changes in your life

You would see you are much more successful, a happy, reliant, and confident person if you can take charge and change these problematic patterns 

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