IWill

IWill 2021-09-26 10:57 - 4 minute read

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Rather than understanding, people blamed me for my depression and that is worst 

IWill blogs

I had been through a lot of hardships. I had tried a lot to bring change in my life but I was at the time unable to. 

I didn’t have a career 

I lived with people who had been toxic towards me.

A lot of time for me had passed and I was nowhere in comparison to where others around me were. 

All my dreams were broken

I had struggled a lot but something or the other would happen and break my life... 

 

I had become really depressed. 

Hope had left me due to trying and failing every time! 

I didn’t feel happy at all. I just felt sad thinking about where I was stuck in life! 

I felt drained and didn’t want to wake up or get from bed...what did I have to look forward to 

I felt like crying all the time.. I had really been lost... so much time had gone and I was no where 

I had lost faith In myself and this would cause me the maximum pain! 

I didn’t feel like eating a lot... my sleep was always restless... as if I was crying in sleep too, lying down because had no energy but blaming myself every minute in sleep too 

 

And while I was going through this, the worst was the behavior of people around me!

They would say things like 

1. You are not alone in this world!

2. You enjoy being sad 

3. You want to embarrass me!

4. This is the reason why you are unhappy. You are too negative

 

And so on... I was attacked repeatedly,

Expected to just shake the pain off and get back to life, the very life that hadn’t changed an inch... 

 

No one understood that I was the most in need of happiness. I was praying for miracles every day... I wanted the pain, the emptiness, the self-doubt to end! 

I was more and more isolated and didn’t even want to exist because of the treatment I would get...

 

I joined IWill therapy for treatment for depression. I don’t know what gave me the inspiration but I decided to seek help for my health issue! 

After all, even I was doing the same! I was ignoring myself!

It was in therapy first that my therapist helped me say all the hurt, my broken dreams, my unmet needs, my open wounds, the harsh words, the pain given, the trauma I had...

In therapy, I with my therapist started working on patterns in my life, both in the way I thought about myself and the patterns in life of pain, and isolating the ones that we needed to work on... 

In therapy, I learned how self doubt, how blaming myself, and I had been doing this from the start, not now..: they were the reasons I never believed, never stood up, never addressed my pain! 

She helped me assert.

She helped me feel good about myself 

She helped me refocus in my life! 

She helped me see myself in a different light! 

Today I am fighting and coming out of depression. I am taking care of my mental health. I am working hard to gain my life back! 

I am working hard to be myself!

And also I stand for myself now... I don’t let people attack me for my healing process, for my focusing on self, for my resting because I needed it due to depression anymore!

Yes if I had a supportive environment, healing from depression would have been easier! Yes, attacks are even worst than the problem itself! 

But I am glad, even that is not able to break my life anymore or keep me locked in pain! 

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