Remarrying shouldn't be a taboo, needing a companion is also as normal as choosing to be alone

IWill Blogs

Yes, singlehood is great. Yes after divorce, as a woman you are expected to take care of your child yourselves and be with them. 

I had a very bitter divorce. Everyone around me wanted me to not divorce and be in a toxic relationship as I had a child and no one would marry me. That my life would be over here itself. 

And to a large part. That's how I felt for myself for many months and years. Coming out from an absolutely toxic marriage, where I was treated like an assistant to my husband and his family, where my wishes, needs, and rest didn't matter. I had to be 24*7 involved in serving others and also listen to toxicity when they wanted to lash out at someone. 

Coming out of a relationship like that. Being a trained business analyst but having no job for 3 years and now coming out of this divorce with a 2-year-old son and just trauma of abuse and fear of the future, starting anything was tough.

I joined IWill therapy and my therapist helped me see how I was just 30. I had a life ahead of me and while my experiences needed a lot of healing, a lot I had to look forward to in life, I deserved much better and there was a life ahead of me. 

It was in therapy at IWill and it helped me a lot to feel myself again. I started applying for jobs and I started taking care of myself again. I got a job, I enjoyed my time with the baby, my father and mother were supportive, and I still craved a companion.

Friends and everyone around me would always send me empowering messages about how I could be single and do great. And yes that is one aspect but for me, I needed a companion and this judgment that wanting a companion was somehow weak or that I wouldn't find anyone because I have a son of 2 years old and he would be neglected in my new marriage would bother and pain me.

I would discuss this with my therapist, who would help me see that wanting a companion was completely okay. That having someone to lean on and that need was human. It didn't make me weak or less or wrong, it just made me a person. 

She then also busted the myths that there would be no one who could care for me and my son and in return, I could care for him. 

However, she helped me see that I needed to keep my focus on building myself up, and go through this process of finding a companion but not focus all my mental energy there.

I continued rebuilding my life, I was also in therapeutic support at IWill throughout and I finally found someone. He was just my age and had been through a divorce himself. I would have happily accepted his child but he didn't have one. He did accept mine.

He would love my son like his own son. It was a dream. I was happy. There was love and there was value in our relationship. 

 

I took it slow and was secure in myself, I was working towards my career, going through ups and downs, listening to everyone around, sometimes bad, sometimes good but I could see how I could become happy. 

I finally got married to him. It's been 6 months and it's been nothing less than beautiful. He is a great man. He is kind, secure, and is loving towards me and my child. He helps us, he protects us as I protect him. He loves me as I love him. I needed a companion and I found one. A good one. One that I wanted for the very first time.

Just because I couldn't be married to someone who I deserved the first time, doesn't mean I have to kill this dream of a happy family. Telling a woman she is okay being single even when she needs a companion is not being liberal either. It's all about choice. 

I deserved a companion and I have found one. The Prince Charming and My Fairy Tale has been completed. I feel blessed and I do not want to be judged for wanting to have a man who loves me like I want to be 

Sujata Kukreja

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