Arun, are you listening to me? I need some help with the baby. I am exhausted. Please could you cancel this night out with your friends? You are a father now?
Leanne, you should be doing things you do well! I mean why are you wanting to kill my life! These things you can take care of...
I need to socialize, that’s how work happens!
And he left through the door!
Why can’t you make the baby stop crying? God, you are really careless! I am working here! - he yelled this another day!
I need my parents to be here... mom can help me with the baby.
Leanne, listen I need my privacy... and really you should respect that. It’s just baby care, you are not the first mother!
Here you again, again crying! You are the first woman to become a mother. Come on, what do you want? You have really made this difficult!
Please pick the baby up yourself now... I can’t be holding her all the time!
Fighting, yelling, ignoring, being busy with his work, family and expecting me to be the “perfect mother”, this was Arun and I was tired...
It wasn’t the sleepless nights that affected me! It was the loneliness of not having my partner with me to take care, participate or even be there for his wife and the baby!
Whenever my parents tried to help me, he would abuse my family, name-call them, shame and shout at me. I was terrorized and wanted an escape but didn’t know how? Even though I desperately wanted him to change but he just got worse.
I was tired to be seen as though I had no respect, dignity or place in his life...
Everyone would say at least the child has a father... but where was he.. neither he was there as a friend nor as a father, nor as a husband!
I was losing my happiness. My baby was suffering... I would get thoughts of killing myself... I felt ashamed and my baby would cry and read the vibes of the home and be always unhappy... it was way too TOXIC!
I joined therapy, thinking I need someone to hear me out, to help me at least not feel this low and it was in therapy that I felt good as a mother... I wasn’t the problem. ABUSE was!
By being in this marriage, I would be abused...
by being single parent, I would have to face the Hardships of parenting my child alone, but wasn’t I doing that anyway right now? The partner wasn’t just there...
Yes there would be challenges, ofcourse I didn’t want this for myself...but I had to take steps that allowed my baby and me to have a better life than this!
I decided to be a single mother! Much better than being an abused mother
I am glad that I chose to protect myself and her ! And not let abuse break us!
I was tired of daily abuse, pain, hopelessness, and sadness Then one day, he started shouting at me in front of Riya. He called me characterless, worthless, burden and so much more! I saw Riya’s eyes and they were full of fear. At that moment, something inside me woke up! My courage, my determination, my strength! I realized that it doesn’t matter what people will say but I can’t raise my daughter with a man like Sohan around her.
Arun had turned my life into a nightmare, but I won’t let him destroy my baby's life. So the next day, I called up my family and asked them to file divorce papers. And now, as I am starting my life as a single mother, here are two cents for every mother struggling in toxic marriage:
Don’t assume that he will change with time; He will become better after a baby! If he abuses you and refuses to take any professional help, he will not get better. And, with passing time, he will even get worse.
You may be scared of moving out of toxic marriage because people will tell you – Don’t do it, what will happen to your child? Don’t do it, who will be with you in your old age?… and much more.
But, don’t let them change your mind. Because a single mother is better than an abused mother! Because raising a child alone is better than raising your child in the shadow of an abuser! You deserve better! Your child deserves better!
Your child may not get the world of riches immediately but at least he/she will get the right values! Your child doesn’t have to witness you breaking down every day; Your child doesn’t have to see you being abused every passing day! At least your child doesn’t have to deal with an abusive father and scarred mother both on the inside and the outside. And, remember: Single Mother is better than abused mother!
I work hard for my baby. I am, all my baby has but she smiles, she feels secure, no fights, no ignorance, no blame game! My child will learn to respect herself and that’s the best value I could give her!