Sister in Law was Manipulating My Mother In Law To Break My Home

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Things My Sister In Law Would Say 

Why does she try to act like now she is the boss of this house? Mom, you are the eldest and this is your home. I don't like how she tries to get things done her way the whole day! 

Bhai, you have completely forgotten mummy. You planned dinner with your wife.

You should have asked and taken mummy along. If you can't take Mom with you just tell me. I can't see my mother living here as if she doesn't matter to anyone. 

Why does he buy so many gifts for her? She is making him spend all his money. Doesn't she think that it's not her right?

I don't feel like coming here. Earlier it used to be my mother's home. Now it feels like BHABHI's home with little place for me.

Arun, you have changed so much. You were not like this earlier. God knows who changed you! 

Bhabhi why are you going to your parents when mom is unwell? Is it because you think my mother is not yours (This when she just had some cold and cough, while my mom had been unwell and alone with no one, except for Dad)

My mother should be the most loved person in the home and for my brother as it always was. It's not ok for anyone to take her place 

 

Impact The Manipulative Things Said Had On My Mother In Law and My Husband

My sister-in-law's manipulation and all these constant attacks and senseless things said to my mother-in-law and my husband caused my mother-in-law to become really insecure and even attack and dismiss me.

If my husband would be talking to me, she would cry and make him feel bad that he was being the bad son.

My mother-in-law would ask my husband to not spend on me. 

Further, our time together stopped, my husband was made to feel wrong to be with me and he too started balancing with less and less interaction with me around people. 

My HAPPINESS JUST WAS LOST WITH ALL THIS 

I was feeling so empty, so attacked. My mother-in-law would not even talk to me properly and everything I would do, she would stop me or tell me to do it differently.

If I would cry about this, my husband would say I was overreacting. 

I was feeling suddenly like an outsider, my mother-in-law ignoring me, my husband not giving me love and it all started with my sister-in-law, who tried to convince everyone that my presence here was problematic.

Without my husband's love, without the comfort of a place I call my own home, with constant attacks, I started getting depressed and unhappy. 

I felt heartbroken, insulted, unloved, and completely alien, like I have never felt, so unwanted!

SEEKING HELP AND CHANGES THAT MY HUSBAND MADE

I joined IWill therapy online as the pain became unbearable.

It was in IWill therapy, that my therapist first helped me understand that all of this wasn't happening because my husband didn't love me.

It happened because he too was made to feel like he was doing something very wrong in his life, by invoking that mother's guilt.  

She helped me first become assertive, take care of myself, and not believe that this is how my life will be. She helped me take care of myself, focus on my work, and connect with friends and family who I loved. 

Once I got a bit better,  I convinced my husband to join couple therapy at IWill

It was in therapy with the therapist that my therapist asked my husband if it was ok to ignore ME, a person who is going to share the rest of his life to prove love to anyone else. Was this relationship any less important or weaker than my parents? Would it have been ok? 

She also did a role play and asked if he was in my home and I was ignoring him for my family, my parents, would it have been ok?

She helped my husband see that it was some negative statements said by his sister that had triggered a bullying and emotionally abusive environment for me.

He started realizing that it was wrong.

Our relationship was also getting closer and better and he started seeing that not loving me was damaging for him and his wellbeing too and for our relationship.

My husband helped bring back the home that I deserved.

He would stand up for things he did for me and would say that he loved me and that it was his right and mine too.

He also started telling his sister when she would try to manipulate or make things tough for me. His home was as much his as mine, and he ensured that I got the warmth, space, and love I deserved!

 

I feel relieved to receive his love and get my peace back, but my sister-in-law still hasn't changed.

She did everything to break my home and even cause immense pain for me.

I still don't get it. What wrong did I do to her?

I guess this is something that no matter how many times I think, nothing will change here. 

I am glad I got the help at the right time, otherwise, my relationship with my husband could have been destroyed forever! I am glad my marriage and my peace got saved! 

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