IWill

IWill 2022-08-06 12:52 - 2 minute read

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Small insults in husband's home had a big impact on my Happiness and self respect

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Oh you didn't wear the saree we gave you, mummy got it with so much love. She will feel bad, these small things matter, this is also OK, but that one was so nice.

Listen, this is not your Punjabi wedding, please don't dance here. No one likes all that here. People are very proper.

Your papa works in a bank right? Just asking, that's nice, simple life. Your husband's papa is an industrialist, he has no time.

You got up, is this the time you wake up in your home too or is it just here?

You were to get a promotion right? What happened?

You look very beautiful. Mummy used to look so beautiful, no one can ever look like her.

Don't ask her. She doesn't know how to do all this. Right?

Again going out with Arun, he has all the time for you, what are you doing?

Don't talk here so loud, this is not what happens here, stop.

Small insults, small constant reminders that I Am less, the cold vibes, the ignorance and the denial on small things, was breaking me.

 

These small insults were consistent and they made me feel like I was In a place where I was there to be ragged completely, even if something nice was said, it would be topped up by a comparison or insult.

I was tired and broken by their superiority complex, their ego and their belief that they are better than me.

 

And if I would tell it to my husband, if he would be like these are small things ignore, if I would say something to these people, they would blame me for being quarrelsome.

 

I was broken, I would cry and just miss my home, where I felt loved, cared for, understood and myself.

I joined iwill therapy sessions to manage my depression, my hurt and just get the opportunity to speak out, to discuss and understand how can I escape this pain?

 

I felt much better as therapist helped me learn to have boundaries, assert when someone says something that I didn't want to listen or was comfortable. She also helped me focus on my career, and not give so much mental energy to this.

Later my partner joined in too and therapist helped him see how would he feel if he would constantly hear such things about himself 

Like you work well but he is so good, no one like him.

Don't speak there, People don't like

Why do you ask your wife to do this, how come so controlling 

What are you wearing, this is ok but we gave was so much nice 

Don't sit there 

Or then giving complete cold vibes 

If this is what happens to you on a daily basis, how would you feel?

My husband could realise that these small insults day in and day out in the home, look like they break so much!

He started standing up for me. He started asserting for me as I did for myself and soon things got so much better for me.

It's not ok for a daughter in law to be disrespected. She is not less than you or on your mercy.. she is a woman with her own identity and her parents and family and values, she is proud of, like you are of your own

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