IWill

IWill 2022-12-19 01:46 - 6 minute read

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Small taunts on a daily basis at husband's home leave big scars and unhappiness 

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"Oh you didn't come since morning, so what if you were in office, home should come first"

"Oh you had a class, you are back to school, how is this important ?"

"Your parents had a bank job. That is why they don't know all this, your father in law has been a big business man. Different people come to meet him and of different class"

"Just because you spend all this time with Arun, doesn't mean you know him well. Please consult me before doing anything for him. I will not tolerate my son gets unhappy".

"Oh thats a lot of cream. That's how Punjabis eat, we don't. Once in a while its ok, but not everyday please"

"You were talking to your mother again? Hmm you talk a lot to her...hmm"

"You just want to spend time with Arun. He however likes to be around us. He cannot stay a moment without his family"

"You will wear this?"

"Please don't laugh there like you do. It will be all a different class of people"

"Why did you remove your slippers there??"

Taunts, taunts and taunts. To everything I would say or do, a taunt. To every decision, I would make, there would come a taunt.

Everyday I would feel like that this was not a place I could call home.

No body liked my happiness.

Everything that made me happy, would invite a taunt.

I was always attacked out of the blue. As though there was deep seated hate in everyone's heart for me.

I was always made to feel like I was an outsider, how? By these taunts, by replacing small words of care with small words of we don't care!

By replacing small words of love with small words of doubt, attacks and lack of empathy, they broke me big time.

I had never expected this kind of treatment and I had no idea how to fight it.

 

I was losing respect for them but also losing respect for me, for tolerating this abuse.

I was just so alone and so broken.

I felt like I was being tortured or punished for no crime of mine.

I decided to start IWill therapy because I was just losing it.

It was in therapy that my iwilll therapist helped me heal. She comforted me. Didn't brush my pain as small and really emapthised and listened to me without shutting me off.

 

She next helped me to slowly set my boundaries. She helped me not take these taunts on me. She helped me speak back and ask for my space, politely but assertively.

 

She also helped me learn how to disconnect my emotions and expectations from people who didn't care for me. If I gave them emotional space, they would continue to hurt me. I had to take that power away from them.

She also helped me learn reasoning. She helped me ask them politely as to my work was any less than others. As to why I couldn't expect love from my husband. Why else was I here if not for this.

When they would try and do things for their happiness, I would tell them that I need the same, I am not any less to be expected to give away my right to happiness.

 

The best thing that happened was my husband joining couple therapy at IWill and finally supporting me in all this. 

 

He would love me.

He would stand for my rights.

He would never allow now anyone to disrespect my work or make me feel like I didn't have a place in his heart.

He would openly show me love.

He would openly show how I had a place in his heart that no one would take.

He would visit my parents and assert for my right.

This was his home and his standing up for me and being my support system helped me a lot.

 

Taunts are not words. They are limits put on your dreams, on your mind. Taunts are weapons of emotional wounds. They never heal. They remain. They are the worst. I am glad therapy helped me in healing from these. 

 

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