Some Mothers who force sons to ignore and disrespect wife cause worst harm!

Deeksha Girdhari

 

What would be said by mother in law to husband

She just came yesterday. I cannot believe how much you changed!

You always liked the food that I made for you. When you praise others, I feel you have forgotten me. Since you were little I only was happy because you only liked the food that I cooked for you!

Let her go to her parents. She will get alone time there. You should stay with me. What will I do without you?

Good, you buy such expensive things for your wife... now you have money... I have done many things for you since childhood... it wasn’t easy at the time. I want you to remember you also have responsibilities for me; for your sister... and remaining you do everything!

You should tell her, she should not talk to you like this in front of others... this doesn’t work in our culture... you will lose all your respect...
what kind of clothes is she wearing. She should be respectful of others!!

This was my mother-in-law instantly making my husband feel bad for giving me the slightest of attention.

His behavior changed for me 

He had started ignoring me.
He wouldn’t praise me in front of her.
He would ask me to sit back in the car when his mom was there.
He would always be apologetic got spending time with me.
And to ignore the comparison, he would spend more and more time outside!

He had found an escape in the outside world and his mon was happy to see he doesn’t give me time... but I would be breaking in that home, in an alien land, Ignored, insulted, and isolated. I would cry all day, alone, and wonder what was my fault to be so cornered...

My husband was disrespecting me, saying no to doing things with me, isolating me, and breaking me...

This period was the worst for me... I only cried, looked horrible with a puffy face, felt it was dark all over and that everything should end!
 

My need to STAND for my respect

I wanted to get strong. I wanted to not be so dependent on their dysfunctional dynamic for my happiness..

I joined IWill therapy and I healed myself... I took the help of my therapist to look beyond the need to be loved by my husband in order to even feel any worth!

IWill Therapy helped me so much to overcome this pain!
I worked hard on my job!
I bought myself gifts!
I ordered food that I love... I would invite friends and be with them.
I would have friends who loved me!
I would take care of myself!
I would assert and not let anyone attack me!!

 

My husband started noticing how I was becoming my own person again!

There was the distance that had come up between him and me! And he wanted to work on our relationship...

I told him if there is no respect and love and that too which is permanent, no work can happen! He will join couple therapy too!
There is a lot of trauma there that needs to be fixed...

I really suffered a lot and feel so bad that the person, a mother who I thought would love me like her own, I am younger than her son, treated me so differently... it’s most hurtful when you are abused and you can’t even raise your voice... I went through this and overcame it! But wanted to raise more awareness hence this letter!

Deeksha Girdhari